Diabetes

Throwing Away all the Rules in Sydney

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I spend most days doing my best to resist all those foods that I know are bad for my blood sugar levels. Like the goodies my work Mums pull out of their pockets without fail. Like the birthday morning teas at work where pink donuts are mandatory. Like the packet of Tim Tams or slice of leftover cake with my cuppa in the afternoon. And then having to fight the urge to open a packet of chips afterwards for my something savoury.

Over time, I’ve gotten better at it, and I am more resilient. I’m proud to say that I no longer need to have that afternoon snack that’s been a part of my daily routine for my whole life. I still do allow myself these things on occasions, and Friday is still my I-can’t-be-bothered-I’ll-buy-my-lunch-at-work kind of a day. But it’s a hard job. So when I go on holidays, I tend to throw away all the rules.

I don’t go on holidays too often, and it will probably be a long time until I go back to Sydney again. And so, I get that feeling of needing to stock up. Moreso when you come from a tiny city like Perth. Of needing to get my fill, while I can. Before it all goes away again. And boy oh boy, did I find some good spots.

Like a cake and cappuccino at the best Pasticceria in Sydney, Via Del Corso. I think I stopped by there almost every day. I’m not even ashamed to admit that I went there one afternoon after I’d already had a coffee and cannoli elsewhere. The Choc Panna Cotta, the Baked Ricotta Cheesecake, the Tiramisu or the Snickers, there was no shortage of choices there to aid my difficult decision making!

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Then there’s the best Cannoli in Sydney, at Rossini Cafe on the harbour. If it wasn’t such a trek to walk, you would have seen me there every day for sure. When I finished my climb of the Sydney Harbour Bridge in the dark last week, my blood sugar level had rebounded to a lovely 17 after my Hypo on the Harbour. It was dark and I was ridiculously high. But all I wanted to do was trek over to Rossini’s for one of their massive, freshly filled Cannoli served on a pile of thick, creamy custard. Public apology to my Mum, I had forgotten just how awesome these were since last time.

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Then there’s the Lindt Cafe. You know, the one in Martin Place that was the setting of the tragic Sydney Siege last year. Going by the crowds inside, it’s hard to believe that something so terrible could have happened here. The hot chocolate was SO worth the trek. Again, I came here one afternoon shortly after a coffee and cake at Via Del Corso. And I guess it serves me right that I went most of the trip not realising there was another Lindt Cafe closer to where I was staying!

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And finally, Darling Harbour. I think we ate here all but one night. The best thing here is the three-course-meal-and-a-glass-of-wine-for-$30 thing. Almost every restaurant here has some sort of tempting not-so-diabetes-friendly offer like it.

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The most suprising thing was how well my blood sugar levels managed all this food on the trip. Most days I went without breakfast or lunch simply because I was full from all the other crap I was eating. But I honestly don’t recall having half as many hypers or hypos as my last holiday. There were even some mornings where I woke up in disbelief seeing numbers below 10.

I CAN travel with diabetes. I CAN eat crap. And I CAN still produce decent blood sugar levels afterwards.

Bring on the next one.

Getting My Twitch Checked

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For the last couple of weeks, I’ve had a bit of a twitch in the bottom corner of my right eye. Like a rapid, vibrating sensation that comes and goes. And every time that it happens, I have the sudden urge to rub my eyes to try and make it stop. And every time that it happens, it annoys the hell out of me.

I didn’t want to take it too seriously because I’ve been on holidays over the last two weeks. But everytime a bad reading came up, I would feel guilty. And everytime I ate more than I should have, those horrible thoughts of complications would plague me. Crazy theories would run through my head at night. What if the blood and oxygen was struggling to get through? What if, somehow, I’d damaged one of the blood vessels in my eyes?

Yesterday I said I want to make more of an effort with my diabetes. That I want to take things more seriously than I’m currently doing. And after writing that post, I made an appointment to see the optometrist during my lunch break today. It’s been well over a year since I last got my eyes checked, and this twitch seemed like the perfect opportunity to shoot two birds with one stone.

I felt so serious, and so unenthusiastic as I was called in and sat down in that chair. I almost felt like I was in a job interview, justifying my reasons for being there.

“I’m here for two reasons today. The first one is that I have type 1 diabetes, and I want to have the back of my eyes checked. The second one is that I have a bit of a twitch in the corner of this eye, and I wanted you to have a look at it.”

He dismissed the twitch straight away, telling me that heaps of people get it. It’s triggered by stress, and that getting a good night’s sleep and cutting back on stimulants will help. And considering that I’ve practically been living on coffee during my holiday, this made complete sense. I’ve still been craving those coffees I’ve been having on my holidays since I came home. My morning espresso at the corner downstairs. The cappuccino with my big breakfast. And my afternoon coffee and cake at my favourite pasticceria in Sydney, Via Del Corso.

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I think I’m getting a bit carried away…

The digital retinal scan of my eyes looked fine. He also told me that my eyesight hadn’t deteriorated over the last 12 months, which would have been a sign of badly managed blood sugar levels.

To be honest, I was a bit bothered that he didn’t seem to take my concerns as seriously as I did. He gave me the impression that I didn’t need to be there, considering that I’d had an eye check last year.

“I’d rather be safe than sorry. I’d rather be safe than sorry, because I hear all these horror stories about diabetes and complications…”

I didn’t feel like I’d finished my sentence, but I trailed off and couldn’t get anymore words out. Maybe he didn’t fully understand the seriousness of diabetes. Maybe he didn’t get what complications were. Maybe in his eyes, it was all for nothing.

But in my eyes, I’d dismissed a major concern on my mind. In my eyes, I’d taken things more seriously than I normally would have. And in my eyes, it was better to be sure. I was able to walk out of there today feeling a little less heavy, and that was well worth the effort.

And those good results are definitely a start towards doing more for my diabetes.

I Don’t Feel Like I’m Doing Enough

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I’ve been stuck in a rut for a while. My hba1c levels are okay, I guess, but they’re not great either. And they’ve been stuck in that good, but not great phase for a long time. And right now, I just can’t stop thinking about this tweet from last week.

I have a love hate relationship with my doctor. I love how he can quickly dismiss my concerns when I’m not feeling well. But I hate that I don’t feel that anything constructive comes from seeing him. Every single visit usually goes the same way. He’ll tell me that my illness is “just a virus,” send me for a blood test and then tell me “you need to get your sugar levels down.” I’ll nod my head. I might even manage to mumble an “okay.” He’s usually running an hour behind, and I’ll be lucky to get five minutes in there before I’m pushed out the door. I know he’s not a diabetes expert, but it’s not like he even tries to offer any sort of genuine help.

Then there’s the endocrinologist. An endocrinologist appointment really does motivate me to do better with my diabetes. And I can talk to the endo, if its someone I’m comfortable with. But I don’t get to see them as often as I probably need to right now. If I’m lucky, I’ll get to see them twice a year. And if I’m extremely lucky, I’ll get to see the same endo both times. I’m due for an appointment right about now. In fact, I could really use an endocrinologist appointment right about now. And out of the whole six months that my appointment could have been scheduled for, it just had to be in the two weeks that I was on holidays. And now, the earliest I can reschedule for is January. January, for heaven’s sake. Being in the public health system can be so frustrating sometimes. 

And I just can’t stop thinking about that tweet. I think there’s a good reason I wrote it. I need to try harder to find the support I was calling for in that Tweet. It’s well and truly time for me to get back on track. I’ve had my break. Perhaps too long of a break. I’ve had a lot of fun and enjoyed a lot of good food. And now, it’s time for me to hit that reset button that comes after a good break.

Normally, I would have accepted that wait until January for an endocrinologist appointment. Normally, I would make those excuses about work and life and being busy. But today, I’m going to give my Diabetes Clinic a call and see if there are any cancellations that have come up. And I’m going to make more time for diabetes. Because right now, I don’t feel like I’m doing enough. And right now, I want to feel better about myself.

Blaming Diabetes For My Bad Day

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I had a terrible day on Friday, and for the first time in a long time, I found myself blaming diabetes for it.

I touched back down on my home turf late on Thursday, exhausted. I got home and unpacked most of the clutter from my hand luggage. My diabetes supplies, headphones, cables, laptop, glasses, Krispy Kreme donuts, Diabetic Living magazine, BridgeClimb certificate and toiletries. I climbed into bed, switched on my laptop and played a few episodes of Under the Dome before falling asleep.

On Friday morning I went to grab my camera, wondering where I’d put it. I searched through my top desk drawer, where it’s normally kept. Not there. I grabbed my now empty travel bag, furiously unzipping every compartment feeling around for it. Not there. I checked my toiletries bag. Not there. I ran out to the car, sticking my head inside the boot and under the seats. Not there. I desperately went rummaging through the suitcase, even though I knew there was no way it could be in there. Through all the clutter strewn around the suitcase. Nope, not there.

I had carried it around in my hand luggage the whole trip home. I had barely taken it out the day before. The last thing I could remember was at the hotel, just moments before we were about to leave. The sky was black and I had a pretty good view of the storm that was brewing. My only possible explanation was that I’d put the camera on the bench as I grabbed my jacket and bag, and forgot to pick it up again.

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I was furious. And for the first time in a long time, I really hated my diabetes for it. Maybe, just maybe, if I didn’t have to carry around all of that crap in my bag. My meter. My insulin pen. My lantus pen. My insulin boxes. My test strips. My needles. My marshmallows. My sharps container. Have I forgotten anything? If I didn’t have all of that crap to remember to take home, I might have remembered to pick up my camera on the way out the hotel door. The camera that was not very old. The camera that I’d paid a lot of money for. And the camera that carried all of the photos I’d had so much fun taking over the last two weeks.

Perhaps if I didn’t have diabetes, I wouldn’t have had to waste my whole Friday looking for this camera. I wouldn’t have had to spend my Friday stressed and unable to laugh with everyone else at lunch time. And I wouldn’t have had a leisurely day at home taken away from me.

I rang up the hotel, with no luck. I was convinced that there was no chance of it being anywhere else, but Mum encouraged me to cover my bases. I rang up the car company that drove us to the airport. I called Sydney Airport security and left a message on their lovely automated system. And finally, I called Qantas Baggage Services. “It’s a black Sony pocket camera in a black velvety LowePro case.” I said to the woman on the phone anxiously. “This sounds exactly like the one you’ve described sir, a Sony Cybershot digital camera in a LowePro case. It was found in row 46.” 

I was extatic. The camera was there the whole time, in the very last place I thought it could be. And all of a sudden, I was my happy holiday self once again. I didn’t care about having to make another trip to the airport. I didn’t care that I’d wasted the whole day. And I wasn’t angry at my diabetes anymore. I was just so happy to be reunited with my camera.

Thanks, Qantas. It’s nice to know there’s still some goodwill in the world.

Raising Awareness and Smashing The Stigmas

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I’ve found a few excellent statements and initiatives amidst this year’s disappointing National Diabetes Week campaign (which you can read more about here). I really was tempted to retweet and endorse them on Twitter earlier in the week, but couldn’t for one reason alone. Again, most of these words were printed on that depressing collage of sad people with eye patches and other diabetes complications. I will not endorse that. We should not be telling people that a life with diabetes is depressing. That a life with diabetes is black and grey and white. And that a life with diabetes is a death sentence.

The first one, #WalkWithD, comes from a group of advocates called Partnering for Diabetes Change. There are so many stigmas out there about diabetes. Like the other day, for instance. I disclosed my diabetes when booking my climb of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. I was automatically asked if I needed to have some lollies and pointed to the direction of the kiosk. And truth is, stigmas like these simply come from a general lack of diabetes awareness. Even my family, as much as I love them, won’t understand what I go through until they actually walk a mile in my shoes (and I hope they never have to). But by reading this blog, I hope they will have a better understanding. Share your story online and use the hashtag #WalkWithD.

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The second one is #TypeAll.  I think this one was a hasty counteraction from Diabetes Australia after people voiced that the National Diabetes Week campaign was too focussed on type 2 and “prevention.” Nonetheless, its still a simple, clear cut message. I support ALL people with diabetes, no matter the type.

And my favourite one, Diabetes Queensland’s #BGLSelfies. If you read yesterday’s post, you can see my selfie and the story behind it. The message is simple. Don’t be afraid to test. And don’t be ashamed of the numbers. Proudly hold up your meter showing your BGL test result, snap a selfie, and share it on social media with the hashtag #BGLSelfies. Its really empowering.

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Finally, go over and like Diabetes Queensland on Facebook. Its been by far my favourite social media page to follow during National Diabetes Week. They’ve created a very people powered feed, with lots of positive stories, awareness messages and general inspiration. Australia, we need to see more of this please!

National Diabetes Week may be coming to a close, but raising awareness and smashing the stigmas certainly won’t.