I miss sleep.
You know, those nights where you don’t sleep too heavily, but not too lightly either. Those mornings where waking up just feels natural, and you genuinely feel refreshed.
For me at least, those kinds of days don’t happen often enough.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m up chewing down glucose tabs at 2am every morning, or battling highs either. I’ve made a lot of gradual changes to my routine over the past year or so. Eating enough to fuel myself properly, experimenting with sleep apps, continually improving my blood glucose and going to bed at a fairly consistent time each night. While all of those things have definitely helped me to sleep and feel better, I still feel as though there’s some kind of secret sleep code that I haven’t yet managed to crack.
I think it’s moreso that I don’t ever get a break from thinking about diabetes. Ever. When I’m ready to go to bed at night, I still spend some time thinking about what my blood sugar is and where it’s likely to tread through the night. If I’m bordering the 4 mark, I’m wary of heightened insulin sensitivity and lows throughout the night. If I’m bordering the 8 mark, I’ll be contemplating a correction.
I still spend time thinking about what time I’ll be waking up in the morning, and what adjustments I’ll need to make to my basal pattern and insulin to support that. This week, for instance, I’ve been starting work an hour earlier than normal. It’s not a huge difference, but it still takes some planning and prep work before bed. I’m already noticing differences in my BG pattern just from starting my day an hour earlier (hello, lows!).
The first thing I think about the moment I stir in the middle of the night is my blood sugar. For much of the past nine years, that’s meant reaching for my meter, inserting a test strip and pricking my finger. With CGM, I’m lucky enough to simply swipe left to view the Dexcom widget on my iPhone. I’m so grateful to be in a place where, most nights, that number is grey. Which is Dexcom-speak for in range.
But I’m still thinking about diabetes. Diabetes doesn’t sleep just because I am.
If there’s one thing that I truly long for in lieu of a cure, it would definitely be a good night’s sleep.
There you have it. My first diabetes awareness post for diabetes month, and it’s not even November yet.