Loosening the Reins.
As I opened up my Dexcom Clarity app last night, I wasn’t all too surprised at what I saw.
My time in range wasn’t too shabby, but it was down on prior periods. The variability in my blood glucose readings was considerably larger than what I would usually see. My average blood sugar was sitting at the upper end of my own target range.
Overall, it wasn’t too shabby. But I also knew that it didn’t reflect my best effort.
I know that I haven’t been as diligent as I’d like with pre bolusing insulin before I eat. Case in point yesterday, when I had a muffin and an iced latte on top of a blood sugar level of 12. (It’s been a loooong week). I’ve tolerated longer blocks of time where my blood glucose levels have been flatlining outside of my target range, and I’m not too bothered by it. And I’ve found myself suspending my pump increasingly, because I just can’t bring myself to treat a low (especially after I’ve brushed my teeth).
I’ve made some very lazy changes – like increasing my basal rate to combat the insulin resistance that has crept up in recent weeks. But I’m reluctant to put any effort into making more permanent changes – like revising basal rates of ratios – because I know there are reasons behind what’s happening. Diabetes, or my diabetes at least, is definitely cyclical. I know at some point things will probably go back to where they were.
I’ve definitely loosened the reins, within reason, when it comes to my diabetes over the last several weeks. Quite honestly, it’s freed up mental energy and it’s definitely helped me to realise increased focus in other aspects of my life. Namely, my studies and my mental wellbeing. I also know that this wouldn’t be possible without my own tools of the trade, namely my t:slim pump and Dexcom CGM, which just seamlessly integrate into my own life without being a burden.
I don’t particularly feel like I see enough stories of imperfection when I look online. Sometimes, and in some corners of the internet, it definitely feels like everyone is just perfect and healthy and doesn’t have a crease in their shirt.
So, I’m just going to continue with this somewhat ‘lazy’ but acceptable approach to my diabetes for the time being, because sometimes there’s more to my own self worth than numbers alone.