BGLs

Why I Keep Diabetes To Myself

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A couple of weeks ago, I poured all of my diabetes related thoughts and frustrations going through my head into a post titled ‘The Things I Don’t Tell You About My Diabetes (click here to read).‘ I think its one of the best posts on this blog to date if I may say so myself. It was so good that it was even featured on DiabetesMine‘s April Blogosphere wrap up. It’s definitely worth a read if you have a spare moment, as it ties in nicely with today’s dBlog week topic.

But I’m not cheating myself out of some original thoughts either! Keep reading…

I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 17, so I’ve never really needed any help from my parents in managing my condition. Once I overcame my first year and things settled down, diabetes just became something that I kept to myself. I didn’t often talk about it with my family. I never complained to them about it. I just get on with the job on my own.

From time to time, Mum will ask me how my blood sugar levels are going. And that question always makes me uncomfortable. It puts me under pressure. It annoys me. I’ll always start my answer with ums and ahs and try to make my answers as vague as possible. And why? Because my blood sugar levels aren’t perfect. They never are. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs. There will be weeks where things are smooth sailing and other weeks where my eating habits go wayside and its hard to pick myself back up.

And I feel guilty and embarassed to tell my Mum that. My parents are my rock, the two people who have always unwaveringly loved and supported me. And in a way I feel as though I am letting them down in admitting that things aren’t perfect. But I know Mum isn’t asking me to be a nag. Or to judge me. She just does it because she loves me and she cares about me. She takes an interest in me. (Or, at least that’s the job she signed up for when she decided to have me!)

But I think the real reason I keep it to myself is to avoid facing the truth. Imperfect diabetes management doesn’t become a reality until those words come out of my mouth. Until they are spoken out loud, I don’t have to face that I’m letting myself down. I don’t have to feel unhealthy. Guilty. Depressed. Worried. So long as I keep it to myself, I can stay in my perfect bubble.

Talking is healthy. And if there is one thing that has come from starting this blog, its the fact that I’m more focussed on diabetes. I’ve become even more passionate about it. And when you’re passionate about something, you want to pour your blood, sweat and tears into it. And I can’t wait to go home and share it with the people I care most about.

I’ve written this post as a participant in Diabetes Blog Week 2015. Follow #dBlogWeek on Twitter for the latest updates from the event and participants.

I Can…Better Understand My Food Choices

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If there’s one good thing that’s come from my friend Diabetes, its the fact that its made me better understand my food choices.

Growing up, my parents had junk food in the house for us to snack on. We had biscuits in the morning and potato chips, lollies, chocolate, ice cream and soft drink after school (not all in one hit!). I can still remember politely asking Mum if it was okay to open “something special,” which is what we used to call junk food. Don’t get me wrong, its not like we were an unhealthy family. We had home packed lunches during the day and home cooked meals at night. Its just that we never had any restrictions on junk food from Mum and Dad.

And ever since, I’ve had to have “something special” in the afternoons. Its become a subconscious habit that’s been impossible to break away from. Whether I was home at three, four or five o’clock, I still had to open that cupboard and grab a packet of chips. That is, until Diabetes came along.

I never used to even think about junk food, or any of the foods I was eating and its impact on my health. And yet now, diabetes has opened my mind to the food choices I make. I liken it to this particular episode of How I Met Your Mother. Everyone had their annoying habits – Lily crunched loudly, Ted over corrected people, Marshall sang about everything he was doing, Robin overused the word ‘literally’ and Barney spaced out when people spoke to him. And nobody ever noticed these habits until an outsider pointed them out, ‘shattering’ the gang’s perfect illusions of each other.

Diabetes has made me far more aware of my food choices than I ever was before. I actually read the nutrition information on the products that I buy in the supermarket. I understand the effects that carbs, fat and sugars in my food will have on my body and blood sugar levels. And after lots of experience, I have learned how to respond appropriately.

Now I only eat salad and drink water. The fridge is full of fresh fruit and veggies and there is no junk food to be found in the house. Ha! Yeah right!

But I really do think about my food choices now. I’ll still open the cupboards most afternoons and stare at the tempting goodies in there. But I’ll also think about the repercussions afterwards – like feelings of guilt and depression, being too full for dinner, and delayed blood sugar spikes by bedtime.

One of the biggest hurdles I’ve overcome thanks to diabetes is the junk foods that I used to eat on a daily basis. Potato chips and ice cream, that I used to eat every day, I might have about once a week. Now, I’ll do my best to satisfy the urge for an afternoon snack in ways other than junk food. Sometimes I’ll have a nice coffee or cup of tea to keep my mouth occupied. Other days I’ll have crackers and cheese with a handful of nuts.

But I’m certainly no Saint. I still nibble on chocolate most days (my biggest weakness), and I buy my lunch from the food court every Friday. I still end up overdoing it on special occasions like morning teas, eating out and on lazy days. More than I’d like to admit.

But I understand what I’m eating. I know how to react. And that’s all that really matters.

I’ve written this post as a participant in Diabetes Blog Week 2015. Follow #dBlogWeek on Twitter for the latest updates from the event and participants.

Falling Off The Wagon

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In all honesty I have kind of fallen off the wagon in the past few days, which I could put down to a couple of things.

Temptation. Mine was in the form of 25 cent Malt-Easter chocolate bunnies and Cadbury Marvellous Creations Easter eggs (seriously, if you have not tried these, what are you even doing with your life?) And even though I had the best of intentions to share them around, not all of them made their way to the chocolate basket at home.

Cooler weather. If there’s one thing I do love at the moment, its the cooler nights and being able to get cozy in front of the telly. But sadly, its also the perfect climate for being lazy and comfort eating. On Sunday I settled down in front of Despicable Me (how have I not seen this sooner?) and ended up chowing down a whole bag of Red Rock Deli Chips (Honey Soy Chicken, of course).

Exhaustion. Mostly work related and just feeling run off my feet all day. By the time I get home I’m ready to flop and can’t really be bothered with much else. Cue the lotto Gods (yeah right). But more realistically, I am perservering with my blog and want to make some sort of career from it in the future.

On Sunday morning I woke up to a beautiful blood sugar reading of 21.0. Not really a suprise considering all the fatty junk food I had eaten (fats raise your BGLs several hours later), but still a scare. I knew I’d gone too far. My blood sugar had been sitting at that horrible level for the past 8 hours (probably more) that I’d been sleeping. I absolutely hate when that happens. Nothing annoys me more. Then cue the feelings of guilt, followed by scary thoughts of possible diabetes complications from the damage I’d done to my body. How could I have been so irresponsible, so stupid?

I hastily jabbed myself with some insulin, before heading to the kitchen. My mouth was left dry from all of the sugar and sodium I had consumed the day prior, and I was dying for a refreshing cup of tea. I refused to eat until my levels went down, although I can’t say I was feeling very hungry anyway. Damn shame too, because weekend breakfasts are my favourite time of week. The two days where I can actually take my time and enjoy something better than a hasty bowl of cereal. And I’d ruined it.

There’s not much of a point to this post other than to tell you that I’m not perfect. Nobody is. And I’ve no doubt you’ve found yourself in a similar situation at some point. Which is why I felt it was so important to share this. While I truly regret what I did, I think it was also the perfect wake up call (or in my case, scare) that I needed to start being sensible again.

Please tell me I’m not alone in this – have you been in a similar situation before?