Diabetes and Emotions

Less Is More?

3 Comments

The only resolution I set for myself in 2018 was to be more productive.

I want to get more shit done, by spending less time working at it.

(I know what you’re thinking right about now, but just hold up and let me explain for a minute…)

One of my greatest shortcomings is this uncontrollable urge to get anything and everything done in one hit. It’s easy to tell myself that I’ll smash this column out tonight, or that I’ll clear out my e-mail inbox in half an hour and then put my feet up and binge watch another two episodes of The Crown.

But that doesn’t always produce my greatest work.

I’ll tire of the seemingly infinite task at hand, and end up wasting away more time yawning, rubbing my eyes or trawling through social media once again. The longer I sit there, the more I begin to obsess over my work and do more harm to it than good. There are days where I’ll go to bed feeling lousy about myself, failing to remember the last spare moment I had to take some time out for myself.

So, back to my new motto – less is more. I’m learning to set boundaries. Spend an hour writing, or working, or whatever it is that I’m doing, and then stop and come back to it again later. Or even tomorrow.

Walking has been so therapeutic for me over the last few months, and just taking the time out every day to feel the afternoon sun on my face and collect my thoughts makes me feel a bit more human. Which is especially important when I’m living with a condition that involves so many different robot parts and feels monotonous at the worst of times.

I’m also trying to read more. Reading was a pastime I really enjoyed as a child, and I’ve really fallen off the bandwagon in recent years. I’m being realistic and aiming for a book a month. Besides, sleep feels so much more…restful after burying myself in a good book before bed. And, you know, it’s nice to take a break from reading about diabetes once in a while…

So what does all of this have to do with diabetes?

Tending to things like my self care and mental wellbeing helps me to feel better about living with this damned condition. I manage better. I’m not stuck in autopilot mode so often and then swearing at myself over a stupid mistake.

Besides, it feels surprisingly good not to have a resolution directly centred around my diabetes for a change…

What’s on your bucket list this year?

What Does Diabetes FEEL Like?

2 Comments

It feels incredibly permanent. It’s only been with me for the past seven and a half years, and yet I struggle to remember a life without it.

It feels incredibly monotonous. Checking my blood sugar. Weighing my lunch on the kitchen scales. Looking up carb counts on my iPhone. Pulling out my pump to give an insulin dose. Checking my blood sugar again. Pulling out my pump to glance at the insulin on board feature. Deliberating over a correction dose. It’s pretty hard to muster the enthusiasm to do the same thing over and over each day.

It feels extremely isolating. The twinges of jealousy that surface as I watch others my age who can live like there’s no tomorrow. Wondering if anyone around me can truly comprehend the burden of my condition.

It feels incredibly frustrating. One day can be perfect, while the next can be a complete trainwreck. I can do exactly the same thing that I did yesterday, and get a completely different result today. I can make a decision that makes complete sense on paper, and then stare at the result in disbelief.

It feels utterly exhausting. The physical and mental effort that this condition demands is huge, that there are days where I am left struggling to give my 100% to everything else.

It feels incredibly worrisome. Pushing thoughts to the back of my mind about what my future will look like. Wondering if I am doing enough today to ensure that I will live a healthy and complication free life.

It feels painful. Stabbing the tips of my already blistered fingers. Sticking a gigantic needle into my stomach to insert a new infusion site. Feeling the sting of insulin going into an overused area of skin tissue.

It feels ever so emotional. The journey from high to low and everything inbetween can be an emotional rollercoaster. It’s so hard not to let the numbers get to me.

It feels immensely guilt ridden. Pangs of guilt accompany every single decision I make that has an undesired outcome on my blood sugar.

It feels extremely disruptive. It doesn’t care if I’m trying to work, if I’m trying to sleep, or if I’m trying to chill on the weekend.

It feels incredibly close. Finding my tribe, who I can turn to when I’m having a shit day. Finding folks in the Diabetes Online Community, who I can reach out to at 3 in the morning while I’m waiting out a low blood sugar. Being able to hear the two most powerful words in the english language. ‘Me too.’ Making my world feel that much smaller.

It feels experienced. Every passing day arms me with that little bit more knowledge, that leaves me better equipped to deal with this condition. Like finding another piece in an incredibly difficult jigsaw puzzle.

It feels confident. Confidence to speak up for what I want from my healthcare professionals. Being my own advocate. Sharing what I feel passionate about. Finding my comfort zone when my condition has thrust me far from it.

It feels grateful. Grateful that thanks to modern medicine, tools and technology, my life has a far brighter outlook than it did a century ago.

It feels lucky. Lucky that I live in a country where insulin, test strips, pump consumables and healthcare won’t send me broke. That I have a supportive family and a job which affords me these privileges.

It also feels incredibly heartbreaking. Heartbreaking that in this day and age, people are still can’t access the basic tools and healthcare that they need to survive. Heartbreaking that these tools of survival are tied to income and extremely costly insurance premiums. Heartbreaking that without the subsidies I am afforded, these tools are extremely costly. Heartbreaking that people are still dying in some parts of the world because they cannot get their hands on the luxuries that I take for granted.

How I Wish Mental Wellbeing Was Approached on Diagnosis

Leave a Comment

Another week, and another column up over at Diabetes Daily. This week I’m reflecting on how I wish that mental wellbeing was approached on my diagnosis.

“I personally wish that my diabetes healthcare professionals had asked me how are you going more often. Not how are your blood sugar levels going. Not how is your diet and exercise going. Not how are the number of hypos you are having every week going, either. A new diagnosis is a huge thing to deal with. A little empathy and understanding would have gone a long way in helping me to acknowledge that sometimes it might be okay not to be okay.”

You can check out my full column over at Diabetes Daily right here.

Prioritising Emotional Wellbeing in Diabetes Care

3 Comments

How many healthcare professionals ask you “how are you going” during an appointment?

Not how are your numbers going.

Or how your diet is going.

Or, how are the number of hypos you are having each week going.

When I say ‘how are you going,’ I mean ‘how are YOU going?’

I must admit that I was surprised in hearing psychologist Lisa Robbins express confidence in the abilities of diabetes healthcare professionals to identify burnout triggers, during our live webcast at DX2Melbourne. It’s my view that the right healthcare professional would be able to identify those triggers.

In my humble experience, I often felt a lack of emotional support from my endocrinologist and my doctor in my early days of type 1. I never felt that they had the time for me on a busy clinic day, and I didn’t really feel too important when there were younger children and families around who understandably required more attention.

It was often hard to open up and be honest with them for fear of judgement. My very first endocrinologist told me that I had very poor control, just weeks after my diagnosis. Meanwhile, my general practitioner often told me that “my sugar levels are too high” without actually offering anything more substantial or helpful.

For the record, I certainly don’t expect that an endocrinologist or general practitioner should have to fill the role of a counsellor. They are qualified professionals in high demand. No doubt they have far better things to do with their time than listen to me blubber on about my diabetes.

However, I do expect that health care professionals will listen to me. I do expect that health care professionals will make me feel comfortable to open up to them. I do expect that health care professionals will look beyond what’s written on the charts and talk to me about what’s going on. I expect that health care professionals will show some empathy during consultations. And I expect that healthcare professionals will offer support and encouragement.

This is not a big ask. This can be done. Even on a busy clinic day. Even when time is limited. Even if you’re meeting me for the first time. Even if you are a general practitioner who is not a diabetes expert. Nobody has to be qualified to be supportive and empathetic, in my opinion. Above all, prioritising emotional wellbeing will assist diabetes healthcare professionals to better address the need for any further psychological support.

Emotional wellbeing helps me to see value in my diabetes healthcare team. It encourages me to continue to manage my diabetes to the best of my ability. A good experience motivates me to keep in touch with my diabetes healthcare professionals and to ensure I have my regular checkups. Above all, emotional well being has helped me to prioritise my health. It’s the difference between walking out of the doc’s office holding back tears, or with the biggest grin that I can’t wipe off my face.

Obviously, my endocrinologist and general practitioner are only individual pieces of the “emotional” support puzzle in my diabetes care. I have my wonderful diabetes educator, who has my undivided attention during every 60 minute session I have with her. I have my family at home, whom I have learned to lean on a little. There’s the wonderful Oz Diabetes Online Community, who I can hang out with on Twitter every Tuesday night. I have my soapbox right here at Type 1 Writes, where I can vent about any topic of my choosing. I also have some amazing d-peeps who I am lucky enough to call friends.

Three years ago, I certainly felt very alone with my diabetes.

Finding emotional wellbeing has helped me to embrace it.

Diabetes and Mental Health at #DX2Melbourne

2 Comments

On Monday evening, the attendees at #DX2Melbourne took part in a live webcast discussing the emotional, psychological and mental elements of living with diabetes. The panel was joined by psychologist Lisa Robins, who has experience in diabetes clinical psychology. I was actually thrilled for the opportunity to address this topic at an event of this scale.

Again, I am only relaying what I heard and talked about as honestly as I can recall…

It was quite interesting to hear one member of the panel comment that during earlier times he thought he was doing okay, but looking back on his journey today he has second thoughts. I actually feel the same way. I never thought that it was okay not to be okay, or to consider the impact that type 1 diabetes can have on my mental and emotional wellbeing. Today, I have no hesitation in saying that I felt isolated, emotional, not very well supported and in hiding from my condition.

Who was offered psychological support when they were diagnosed? A quick show of hands from the panel indicated two or three out of eleven. I shared with the panel that I was visited by a social worker in hospital. At the time, I felt relieved to feel normal and energetic once again. I felt that she was pressing for something that wasn’t there. However, how great would it have been if she had:

  1. Taken my word that I was fine.
  2. Highlighted some of the symptoms that I might expect further down the road.
  3. Pointed me to what other people with diabetes are doing to feel well with diabetes – weekly OzDOC chats, Twitter accounts, closed Facebook groups, forums, in person meet ups and peer support.
  4. Left me her card if I did feel that I needed that professional support.

17 year old me would likely have still ignored it, but I digress…

How do we best approach the issue of mental health? It’s something many of us prefer to stay silent about, and treated like its something to be ashamed of. A lot of us like to prove that we are stronger than diabetes, and in doing so we might ignore our vulnerabilities.

The consensus from the panel was that our healthcare professionals don’t take the time to simply ask “how are you going?” in reference to emotional health. The panel suggested that we need to normalise psychological support within diabetes, building it into our annual checklist with our eyes and bloodwork and feet. I’d also add changing the word ‘health’ in mental health to ‘wellbeing’ or ‘wellness.’

I was also thrilled to hear other panel members praising informal peer support. One panel member shared that in the absence of psychological support, it was peer support that had aided her mental wellbeing for so long.

Personally, online communities were the first form of connection I had to anyone else with diabetes. There is so much knowledge out there that helped me to become better engaged in my diabetes management. Those communities were my bridge to finding in person peer support, both of which help me to maintain relatively good emotional wellbeing today.

Touching on the stigma from healthcare professionals associated with online communities, panel members commented that it was more accessible, and no different from going to a coffee shop. One gem was that online communities complement, rather than replace psychological support.

Diabetes burnout was the next topic, and the panel pondered ways of how we identify those triggers that might suggest we need to take a step further.

I did ask Lisa how well she thought our healthcare professionals would be able to pick up those triggers and refer to adequate support. She was very confident, especially in reference to a GP. My personal view is that the right healthcare professional would be able to identify those triggers, so it’s definitely important to shop around and have healthcare professionals on your team that are meeting your needs.

Instead of trying to fix everything, one gem from a panel member was to instead focus on one element that you can fix. When I’m feeling burned out I might turn off my phone for 12 hours, go outside to ease my mind or go to bed early so that I feel more rested. Take small steps.

Another panel member talked about diabetes as extra years thanks to modern medicine, and all of the wonderful things she’s been around to experience.

Without a doubt, this was the highlight of my time at DX2Melbourne, and a topic that really did need to be discussed. The live webcast will be available on demand in a couple of days, once the camera crew (yes, there was a crew filming us) processes it all together. I will keep you posted.

If you’re in Perth and would like to connect with other type 1s and learn more about mental health in a supportive environment, then I highly recommend that you come along to this event on Thursday, August 24.

Disclosures: Abbott covered my travel expenses from Perth to attend #DX2Melbourne. I was put up at The Blackman Hotel on Monday evening, and was fed and watered across the duration of the event. There was a lovely goodie bag with a FreeStyle Libre reader, two sensors and some branded stationery. There was no expectation that I would participate in this webcast if I did not wish to, nor was there any expectation that I would blog about the event at all!