Diabetes Musings

When Diabetes Gets Sick

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I think my diabetes is sick. Not sick, as in it’s stopped being diabetes and a giant pain in the ass. But sick, as in it hasn’t been behaving as it should.

Over the last week or so, things haven’t felt right. Mealtime boluses, patricularly in the evening, have had little effect. Despite perfect carb counting and pre bolusing insulin half an hour prior, I’d be lucky if I get an hour of stability before my levels begin to soar. Insulin corrections with my pump are frequently overridden out of frustration. Swear words are often thrown at upward trend arrows on my Libre that make zero sense. And rage-temporary basal rates are the only thing that seem to be able to bring stubborn BGLs down at bedtime.

I know that my basal rates definitely need revisiting. in the past month or so, I have been incorporating more protein sources in my diet. Things like boiled eggs with breakfast, nuts for snacks and meat in my sandwiches at lunchtime. Which could definitely explain the need for changes.

On top of this, yesterday my blood sugar levels began behaving like I was sick.

After a night of warding off lows from the temp basals that I needed at bedtime, I woke up at 6.2. From there, my BGLs began soaring. A milky coffee with about 5g of carbs sent me from 8.6 to 14.4mmol in a matter of minutes. What followed was a day of juggling swinging blood sugar levels. Temp basaling and rage bolusing my way out of soaring highs, and then eating my way out of plummeting lows. Urgh.

I was exhausted. I’d had a fairly stressful day at work. I knew that the stress of dealing with all of this wasn’t helping, so I made sure to have an early night.

My blood sugar was 8.6 before bed. This morning, I woke up to this.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMSLK5Ag9cw/?taken-by=franksita

It wasn’t pretty. I could have been bolder with my corrections during the night. I could have ran a temp basal for a longer period of time. But last night, sleep took priority over chasing highs and warding off lows.

I really feel like I can’t do diabetes today.

I’m on the couch home from work, rocking crazy temp basal rates, and hoping the stress will subside soon.

This, is what diabetes looks like.

Pressing a Button

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“Go on. Take it!” One of my work Mums urged me at a plate of sweets she had brought in.

“Crank it up, Frankie,” my other mate added.

I definitely knew I was going to dive in and have something. But I was hesitating for a moment, while deliberating over a carb count and giving myself time for the insulin bolus to kick in.

Don’t get me wrong, my decisions around my food are my own. Sure, my work mates see me pull out my pump from time to time. They see me scan my FreeStyle Libre frequently while I’m wearing it. They see me drink coffee, eat sweets, laugh and do all the other “normal” things.

But I don’t think they actually appreciate just how complex these seemingly simple actions are.

Like making sure that bolus is delivered prior to eating. Making sure that I think carefully about the carb count I’m estimating. That I give enough insulin not to send me high after eating, but not too much that it will send me plummeting within an hour. Factoring in physical activity, and not being too reactive with insulin corrections.

As we were resting later, I pulled out my pump once again.

“You check it all the time?” She asked me.

For both of our benefit, I gave her a much, much simpler response.

“Yes. Whenever I eat, I pull this out and press the button to get my insulin” I replied.

“It’s better than injections?”

“It’s so much easier than before. If I want to eat, I can just press the button. If my blood sugar is high, I can just press the button, instead of having to stop and give an injection.”

I wish managing diabetes was as easy as pressing a button. But it’s nice to dream.

Guest Post: Surviving Insulin

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Rachel Zinman was diagnosed with diabetes in 2008 at age 42, which she now knows to be type 1 Latent Autoimmine Diabetes in Adults (LADA). Rachel lives and breathes yoga, and passionately shares with others how yoga can help with managing diabetes. I absolutely love Rachel’s unique perspective on a delayed onset of type 1 and having to slowly coming to terms with insulin. Today I’m sharing an excerpt from her new e-book, Surviving Insulin, and you can grab your free copy here.


People still think I’m the same as I was pre diagnosis. It’s hard for them to wrap their head around the fact that I’m not in control anymore. There was the life I had before diabetes, the one where I ate pretzel croissants, pizza bread and chocolate and the one I have now; low carb meals, afternoon walks and 15 finger pricks a day.

The only person with diabetes I ever knew was when I was in high school. I can still remember her ID bracelet circling her wrist and the diabetic friendly sweets she ate on the bus. She never complained and never explained. I knew it was something awful but how can anyone understand what it’s like to live with a disease that requires your attention all day, every day. I have never felt so guilty about food in my life. Always asking myself; did I eat too much? too little? did I walk enough? inject enough?

And by the way…. I am sick of people telling me how strong and brave I am. F-k that! If I could jump off the dia-boat I would. Who wouldn’t? Bravery and strength have nothing to do with it. How would you feel if you got lumped with something you didn’t ask for and didn’t do anything to get?

That’s why I get so frustrated when everyone keeps asking why it took me so long to go on Insulin. If you’d been in my shoes? Wouldn’t you have tried everything too?

I don’t regret one minute of trying something alternative. Each practitioner gave me hope. I think that’s what someone who doesn’t have diabetes doesn’t quite grasp. It’s hard not to equate the words “no cure” with “no hope”. I’m still hopeful, but I’ve learnt to be realistic.

I’m a realistic optimist.

I take my time with just about everything now and it’s not because I’m into “self care.” If I rush out the door and don’t have everything I need its a disaster. People say they admire my discipline. But the truth is… if I could drink martinis and pig out on ice cream I would.

So do I believe in fate? Not really…. It’s like you get what you get. And Yes I’m angry enough about the unfairness of it all to punch a wall. But I also feel grateful.

Before diagnosis there was no off switch. I was used to doing, eating and behaving as I saw fit. I made up my own rules and lived my idea of what it meant to be healthy. I ignored the medical establishment and put my faith in things that eventually wore thin. That’s not to say that I don’t use alternative health and healing methods to accompany my allopathic regime. It just means I’m no longer hiding in the cupboard at the thought of taking a Panadol.

And gratitude has been a big plus in my life. Everyday I literally imagine humbling myself at the unknown machinations of creation. There are some things that can’t be answered. Understanding that I’m not alone in having unanswerable questions makes things easier to bear. But that doesn’t mean that some days aren’t crappy. So… If like me, you don’t feel like being grateful or couldn’t be bothered with self care and wind up telling your friend to go jump in a pond because they’re just not getting it?

You’ll survive…

Rachel also blogs at yogafordiabetesblog.com, and you can follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Did I Forget to Mention Diabetes?

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My Facebook page has grown dormant lately. Sure, I still log in from time to time. I still lurk. I still throw around a few likes here and there. But I’ve simply lost that enthusiasm that I had when I first joined as a teenager. I’m not the biggest fan of watching those silly videos that go viral. My pet peeve is seeing my newsfeed flooded with random posts that other friends “liked” or commented on. And I think that “Memories” feature is just Facebook getting a little too desperate for people to post.

After finally deciding to update my profile picture from 2014 on Sunday, I realised that I have never posted about diabetes on my personal Facebook page. Which is strange, because I talk about it nearly everywhere else. 

Six years ago, the insulin-producing cells in my pancreas decided to start attacking themselves through no fault of my own. My body stopped producing insulin, the hormone that converts glucose into energy. My pancreas left me with the lifelong job of regulating my blood glucose levels, though finger prick tests and insulin injections every time I eat carbohydrates.

I live with type 1 diabetes, a condition which is common (but not exclusive) in children and young adults. It is one of the most isolating, unpredictable and consuming conditions to live with. There are no weekends, no holidays and no sick days. Diabetes is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing I think about before I go to bed at night. But I have never let it stop me from living a relatively normal life.

Diabetes has definitely shaped the person I am today. It’s given me a cause (albeit unwanted) that I’m passionate about. I write this blog. I advocate. I immerse myself in knowledge, discussion, support and inspiration every day in the Diabetes Online Community.

Diabetes friends are slowly beginning to creep into my Facebook page, and I see that same familiar sense of community that I’m active with in other spaces. Suddenly, I feel like I want to jump into Facebook conversations once again. I feel compelled to talk about diabetes on Facebook, as I do everywhere else.

Then I look at my very dormant profile, and I don’t feel like that passionate diabetes advocate that shows everywhere else. I don’t feel the same pride that I felt when I was sitting among a group of advocates at DX2Sydney this May. When my friend Ally shared one of my posts a few weeks ago and tagged me in it, it was kind of a wake up call that perhaps I should be sharing diabetes posts on my personal Facebook page as well.

While I’ve been missing in action on Facebook for a while, I certainly haven’t disappeared. My attention has simply shifted elsewhere.

I am a diabetes advocate.

(And I wear my pancreas on my hip).


Diabetes Christmas in July

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As I mentioned earlier this week, I’ve been reflecting on my own diabetes quite a lot of late. Now that the dust is starting to settle on my transition to an insulin pump, I feel like there are no more corners for me to turn if I cannot make this work for me. When I made the decision to get the insulin pump earlier this year, part of my brain convinced myself that this would be the answer to getting diabetes down pat. Now that the dust has settled, I feel like I have no more excuses not to be managing my diabetes to the best of my ability.

Don’t get me wrong, I am making some promising inroads with the pump. Yet I often find myself wondering what a future with diabetes holds in store for me.

I wonder if there will ever be a cure for diabetes. Technology is amazing. I hear of incredible research breakthroughs every week. I’ve seen pictures of an artificial pancreas that could be on the market well before the end of this decade recently. I shared some incredible T1D research involving skin cells only days ago on my Facebook page here. I watch the Open Artificial Pancreas System (APS) movement driven by individuals who have hacked their insulin pumps and Continuous Glucose Monitors to communicate with each other. Yet I wonder if that cure, or that breakthrough, or that technology, will ever make its way to the average joe like me.

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At work, we always joke about winning the lotto. We often play together when it jackpots, and every time it does we talk about buying suitcases and booking a trip to Las Vegas straight away. So many people my age seem to prioritise holidays, travel and leisure. Sure, I love a holiday as much as the person next to me. But I guess I’m the kind of person who leans more towards having a sense of security in life before I’m ready to jump on board a plane. Diabetes will do that to you…

I fantasise about the doctor, the dietician, the diabetes educator, chef and personal trainer that I would hire specifically for me if I won the lotto. I fantasise about paying the exorbitant costs of getting the uber cool touch screen t-slim insulin pump to Australia just for me. I fantasise about the smartphone-integrated insulin pump or glucose meter that I would pay to have manufactured specifically for me.

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As I watched Andy open a Christmas in July themed OzDOC chat on Tuesday with our “grown up” diabetes Christmas wish, I didn’t have to think about my answer at all. I wonder if I will ever feel a complete sense of having this condition under control. 

Photo credit: Beta Bionics and Tandem Diabetes.