Headspace

I really haven’t been in a great headspace these past couple of days. And I feel as though writing yesterday’s post didn’t help. Usually I write some of these posts to clear my mind, reflect and feel better, and yesterday’s post didn’t seem to do the trick for me. It seemed to make my headspace worse.

I really did not feel like going to work yesterday. I did not want to budge from my warm bed at 6am when it was 4 degrees outside. I did not feel like repeating the same, monotonous chores of the morning. And throughout the day, I just seemed to lack any sort of enthusiasm in talking to people. I struggled join in on our usual morning laughter at work. I lacked any sort of motivation to get my work done. And the day definitely dragged along.

I’ve been wanting to go for a blood test these last few days, which my endocrinologist routinely orders inbetween appointments to check my urine, kidney functions, hba1c, and all those other vitamins and nutrients. And on two of those mornings I was planning to go, I woke up low. Not terrible, scary low, but low enough that I had to have some marshmallows and ruin my fasted bloods. Not the best frame of mind to start the day with.

And these past few days, I just feel like seeing the negatives around me. Getting irritated because they are talking too loudly. Snapping when being asked if I’m ready to leave. And cursing (insert your own swear words here!) everytime that damn phone rings at work.

I think I’m just feeling a little burnt out. And in desperate need of a break. Funnily enough, a break is only a week away, and yet I can’t even seem to muster any sort of enthusiasm or excitement for it. That realisation is yet to hit me. Its yet to even motivate me forward.

But, there is a nice resolution to this story.

Last night, we went out with the family for dinner. Usually I love eating out. But last night, I really was not up for it. Not wanting to ruin the night, I sat there quietly and tried not to say anything. I guess the best thing about last night was being forced to take time away from all of these other things going on in my life. By the end of the night, I did start to join in on the conversation, a little. By the end of the night, I was feeling a little better.

There were also a few words of encouragement from the DOC on Twitter last night and again when I woke up this morning. The DOC is just amazing for this, especially considering I don’t even know any of these people. And this morning, I am finally able to crack a little smile because it is Friday. I will get that break I so desperately need in 8 hours time. And I will hopefully be able to regroup and get my head back into the right space.