Headspace

Thanks, #DOC

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I wasn’t feeling my best towards the end of last week, and I just wanted to say a huge thankyou to all of my DOC friends who reached out to me here and on Twitter. Your support meant the world, and is a huge testament to the Diabetes Online Community. It truly is one of the most positive, supportive, non judgy environments I’ve ever found. Its nice to know during times like those that I am not alone.

I also want to apologise if my posts sounded a little too depressing. I know that I don’t always enjoy reading blog posts that talk about the darker aspects of diabetes. But that is a harsh reality. There are good stretches as well as bad stretches. And chances are, there are others out there right now going through exactly the same thing I was. Others who can benefit from reading this, others who can make a connection and realise they are not alone.

I like to think that I strike a good balance between the positives and the negatives of diabetic life in this blog. I also choose to share these experiences for myself. Writing really helps me to process and better understand what I’m going through. Sometimes I use this space as a way to reflect on a situation or to simply clear my head. Sometimes its almost therapeudic. But, its not for everyone.

I’m happy to report that I am in a better headspace today (if only I didn’t have to go to work!). I finished binging on Better Call Saul and Fresh off the Boat, went for a few sunny walks and also woke up to an exciting opportunity in my e-mail inbox on Saturday morning.

And I can’t believe that its almost July. I can’t believe that I’ve kept at this blog for the better part of 6 months. Its hard to believe that six months ago, I knew nothing about diabetes (well, compared to what I know now, it feels like nothing). Six months ago, I had no idea that the DOC existed. And six months ago I didn’t really have much of a passion or a goal beyond my day job.

I’m pretty excited for what’s on the horizon this month. Wimbledon starts tonight. Horray for some long nights rugged up in front of the telly. Fingers crossed those over hyped Aussies will get knocked out quickly so we can see some good matches (where’s my Australian spirit, right?). Under the Dome is back. At the end of the week I’m setting off on a much needed holiday. And hopefully blogging will help me to be a little more sensible with my travel choices this time around (I’m not making any promises, though…). I’ll be joining the National Diabetes Week campaign here in Oz soon, and there are a couple of other exciting things that I have planned for this space.

I just wanted to say a huge thanks for your continued support of this blog, and beyond. It means the world. And finally, a few memes to remind us that we are not alone with diabetes (and to have a laugh, too!).

Thanks, #DOC.

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Headspace

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I really haven’t been in a great headspace these past couple of days. And I feel as though writing yesterday’s post didn’t help. Usually I write some of these posts to clear my mind, reflect and feel better, and yesterday’s post didn’t seem to do the trick for me. It seemed to make my headspace worse.

I really did not feel like going to work yesterday. I did not want to budge from my warm bed at 6am when it was 4 degrees outside. I did not feel like repeating the same, monotonous chores of the morning. And throughout the day, I just seemed to lack any sort of enthusiasm in talking to people. I struggled join in on our usual morning laughter at work. I lacked any sort of motivation to get my work done. And the day definitely dragged along.

I’ve been wanting to go for a blood test these last few days, which my endocrinologist routinely orders inbetween appointments to check my urine, kidney functions, hba1c, and all those other vitamins and nutrients. And on two of those mornings I was planning to go, I woke up low. Not terrible, scary low, but low enough that I had to have some marshmallows and ruin my fasted bloods. Not the best frame of mind to start the day with.

And these past few days, I just feel like seeing the negatives around me. Getting irritated because they are talking too loudly. Snapping when being asked if I’m ready to leave. And cursing (insert your own swear words here!) everytime that damn phone rings at work.

I think I’m just feeling a little burnt out. And in desperate need of a break. Funnily enough, a break is only a week away, and yet I can’t even seem to muster any sort of enthusiasm or excitement for it. That realisation is yet to hit me. Its yet to even motivate me forward.

But, there is a nice resolution to this story.

Last night, we went out with the family for dinner. Usually I love eating out. But last night, I really was not up for it. Not wanting to ruin the night, I sat there quietly and tried not to say anything. I guess the best thing about last night was being forced to take time away from all of these other things going on in my life. By the end of the night, I did start to join in on the conversation, a little. By the end of the night, I was feeling a little better.

There were also a few words of encouragement from the DOC on Twitter last night and again when I woke up this morning. The DOC is just amazing for this, especially considering I don’t even know any of these people. And this morning, I am finally able to crack a little smile because it is Friday. I will get that break I so desperately need in 8 hours time. And I will hopefully be able to regroup and get my head back into the right space.