My meter is a pain in the ass at the moment. Every time I’ve gone to use it over the past couple of weeks, I’m reminded of a promise I’ve failed to keep. A promise to my diabetes educator that I would log my insulin doses into the meter. I flicked past Monday, February 29 in my diary, where I’d reminded myself of that very promise.
I feel so guilty that I’m not using this new, smarter device to it’s full capability. I feel like I don’t deserve the luxury of having a shinier, fancier looking meter that goes with this decade. I feel like I don’t deserve the smaller test strips that use less of my blood and make less of a mess on my desk.
I’m slack. I just haven’t been bothered to do such a menial task, when diabetes is already so consuming in itself. It’s a task that seems so worthless when there are so many more important things to do in the grand scheme of diabetes. I’ve also been a bit worried that the numbers won’t live up to Gwen’s expectations.
But I’ve made the decision to switch to an insulin pump. For lack of a better phrase, I’m going to have to own the consequence of that decision. Carb counting. Logging my insulin doses. Sending the meter reports to Gwen, so that we can fine tune things and prepare my insulin ratios for the pump. If I want to maximise the benefits of insulin pump therapy, then this is something I’m going to need to make a habit of. And I need to stop obsessing over the numbers not being “perfect.”
Today marks day 4 of my insulin logging adventure. I’m no longer relying on 3 different meters stashed in lockers, desk drawers and satchels. I’m carrying my Insulinx meter around with me everywhere, which gives me no excuse not to log an insulin dose when I forget! I’m also hoping to be able to send off some data to Gwen before Easter next week (eek!).
Four days in, and I’m already seeing benefits. I’m thinking more carefully about what I’m bolussing for. When I go to test 2 hours after a meal, I’m reminded of how much insulin is still on board in my system. I can see on the screen how much more of a drop I can expect, which has stopped me from my bad habit of over-correcting and ending up hypo later on.
Despite being sick, battling stubbornly high BGLs, and being hypo more than two times in one week, I am powering through all of this. When I looked at my lunchtime reading yesterday afternoon, I kind of felt like I was kicking diabetes’ ass!