Diabetes Burnout

Less Is More?

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The only resolution I set for myself in 2018 was to be more productive.

I want to get more shit done, by spending less time working at it.

(I know what you’re thinking right about now, but just hold up and let me explain for a minute…)

One of my greatest shortcomings is this uncontrollable urge to get anything and everything done in one hit. It’s easy to tell myself that I’ll smash this column out tonight, or that I’ll clear out my e-mail inbox in half an hour and then put my feet up and binge watch another two episodes of The Crown.

But that doesn’t always produce my greatest work.

I’ll tire of the seemingly infinite task at hand, and end up wasting away more time yawning, rubbing my eyes or trawling through social media once again. The longer I sit there, the more I begin to obsess over my work and do more harm to it than good. There are days where I’ll go to bed feeling lousy about myself, failing to remember the last spare moment I had to take some time out for myself.

So, back to my new motto – less is more. I’m learning to set boundaries. Spend an hour writing, or working, or whatever it is that I’m doing, and then stop and come back to it again later. Or even tomorrow.

Walking has been so therapeutic for me over the last few months, and just taking the time out every day to feel the afternoon sun on my face and collect my thoughts makes me feel a bit more human. Which is especially important when I’m living with a condition that involves so many different robot parts and feels monotonous at the worst of times.

I’m also trying to read more. Reading was a pastime I really enjoyed as a child, and I’ve really fallen off the bandwagon in recent years. I’m being realistic and aiming for a book a month. Besides, sleep feels so much more…restful after burying myself in a good book before bed. And, you know, it’s nice to take a break from reading about diabetes once in a while…

So what does all of this have to do with diabetes?

Tending to things like my self care and mental wellbeing helps me to feel better about living with this damned condition. I manage better. I’m not stuck in autopilot mode so often and then swearing at myself over a stupid mistake.

Besides, it feels surprisingly good not to have a resolution directly centred around my diabetes for a change…

What’s on your bucket list this year?

Finding Independence from Continuous Glucose Data

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In my latest column over at Diabetes Daily, I’m talking about how I’ve arrived at a place where I don’t feel dependent on continuous glucose data to manage my diabetes.

“The FreeStyle Libre was my first foray into the world of continuous glucose data. After knowing nothing other than pricking my finger up to 15 times per day for six years, it was amazing to be able to check my blood sugar levels so conveniently. The small round sensor that sat on my upper arm provided me with a blood glucose reading, a trend arrow, and an 8-hour history graph each time I swiped my reader over it.

However, the data was addictive. Within the space of a few months, I felt heavily reliant on this device. When the life of my sensor came to an end, I really missed it. I felt lost, and even a little anxious about how I would cope without it. I had lost a great deal of confidence in my diabetes decision making.”

Check out the full column over at Diabetes Daily here.

Channeling My Inner Superhero.

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I simply wasn’t feeling in the spirit of World Diabetes Day yesterday. I didn’t wear blue. I’m not doing the daily photo challenges like many of my Facebook friends are during November. I settled for a walk over OzDOC last night. I don’t think I’ll be jumping into the World Diabetes Day chat today, either.

I’m at a point where I’m struggling to identify with all of the smiles and positivity and we-can-be-superheroes posts that are flooding my social media feeds at the moment.

I’m not channeling my inner superhero at the moment. If anything, I feel like my cape weighs a tonne and it’s dragging me back down to earth.

I don’t feel like a superhero when I crawl into bed at night, feeling exhausted from the long day that’s gone by.

I don’t feel like a superhero when I haven’t had a spare moment to put my feet up all day, feel the fresh air on my face or sun on my skin.

I don’t feel like a superhero when I’m doing the same boring (but necessary) diabetes management tasks over and over again.

It’s not like I’m drowning. Or that I don’t feel like I’m able to manage. But when you throw everything else into the mix, I really feel just how hard this is. The physical and mental effort that diabetes management takes away from the rest of my life is huge.

I’m not sure burnout is the right word here. But I’ve been struggling a bit lately, trying to find somewhat of a balance between managing my diabetes, keeping up with all of the other commitments I have going on in my life, and having some time out for myself every day. I’m at a point now where I’m really thinking about what I want to commit to over the upcoming year, and where I would like to take a step back or even let go.

Self care is a pretty big priority for me while I’m managing my diabetes.

Without self care, I’m not able to channel my inner superhero as often as I’d like.

Relentlessness.

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There are days where I find myself exhaling loudly out of exhaustion. My alarm wakes me for work at 6.30am, while I want nothing more than to close my eyes and go back to sleep. I find myself unable to muster any enthusiasm for the new day ahead of me, nor for the people around me. I find myself walking around with a long face, and an expression that will put a damper on everything and everyone around me. There are days where I feel like coffee, toast and swear words are the bane of my existence. Then, there’s the inevitable feeling of limping toward the finish line on a Friday afternoon.

Over the years, I’ve told myself that I was burned out. Or that I wasn’t eating the right kinds of foods. That I was overworked, and trying to juggle too many different things. I wondered if it was the exhausting nature of rollercoaster blood glucose levels. Or the mixed bag of emotions that came from dealing with an unpredictable condition that was downright isolating.

Time has gone by, however, and I think it’s safe to say that I’ve addressed each of these issues to the best of my ability. The variability in my glucose levels are far less significant than they once were. I am more connected, supported and engaged in my management. I have a far better understanding of a condition that even at the best of times makes no sense. I am far more conscious of taking time out for myself and not burning out.

But I’d be lying if I said that those feelings don’t linger, like flames from a fire that simply will not go out. There’s only one rational explanation that I keep coming back to.

Diabetes.

Diabetes is relentless. The physical and mental effort required to keep those flames at bay is huge. Throw in a full time job, freelance writing, friends, family and time out for myself, all while working towards financial independence, a career and other life goals, and it’s no surprise that at times I feel like I’m only further fanning those flames.

Diabetes is no easy feat.

When I look on in envy at the person with a spring in their step while I’m limping it toward the finish line of a Friday afternoon after a challenging week, I remind myself that most people around me don’t have to deal with the relentless diabetes demands that I do.

Diabetes and Mental Health at #DX2Melbourne

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On Monday evening, the attendees at #DX2Melbourne took part in a live webcast discussing the emotional, psychological and mental elements of living with diabetes. The panel was joined by psychologist Lisa Robins, who has experience in diabetes clinical psychology. I was actually thrilled for the opportunity to address this topic at an event of this scale.

Again, I am only relaying what I heard and talked about as honestly as I can recall…

It was quite interesting to hear one member of the panel comment that during earlier times he thought he was doing okay, but looking back on his journey today he has second thoughts. I actually feel the same way. I never thought that it was okay not to be okay, or to consider the impact that type 1 diabetes can have on my mental and emotional wellbeing. Today, I have no hesitation in saying that I felt isolated, emotional, not very well supported and in hiding from my condition.

Who was offered psychological support when they were diagnosed? A quick show of hands from the panel indicated two or three out of eleven. I shared with the panel that I was visited by a social worker in hospital. At the time, I felt relieved to feel normal and energetic once again. I felt that she was pressing for something that wasn’t there. However, how great would it have been if she had:

  1. Taken my word that I was fine.
  2. Highlighted some of the symptoms that I might expect further down the road.
  3. Pointed me to what other people with diabetes are doing to feel well with diabetes – weekly OzDOC chats, Twitter accounts, closed Facebook groups, forums, in person meet ups and peer support.
  4. Left me her card if I did feel that I needed that professional support.

17 year old me would likely have still ignored it, but I digress…

How do we best approach the issue of mental health? It’s something many of us prefer to stay silent about, and treated like its something to be ashamed of. A lot of us like to prove that we are stronger than diabetes, and in doing so we might ignore our vulnerabilities.

The consensus from the panel was that our healthcare professionals don’t take the time to simply ask “how are you going?” in reference to emotional health. The panel suggested that we need to normalise psychological support within diabetes, building it into our annual checklist with our eyes and bloodwork and feet. I’d also add changing the word ‘health’ in mental health to ‘wellbeing’ or ‘wellness.’

I was also thrilled to hear other panel members praising informal peer support. One panel member shared that in the absence of psychological support, it was peer support that had aided her mental wellbeing for so long.

Personally, online communities were the first form of connection I had to anyone else with diabetes. There is so much knowledge out there that helped me to become better engaged in my diabetes management. Those communities were my bridge to finding in person peer support, both of which help me to maintain relatively good emotional wellbeing today.

Touching on the stigma from healthcare professionals associated with online communities, panel members commented that it was more accessible, and no different from going to a coffee shop. One gem was that online communities complement, rather than replace psychological support.

Diabetes burnout was the next topic, and the panel pondered ways of how we identify those triggers that might suggest we need to take a step further.

I did ask Lisa how well she thought our healthcare professionals would be able to pick up those triggers and refer to adequate support. She was very confident, especially in reference to a GP. My personal view is that the right healthcare professional would be able to identify those triggers, so it’s definitely important to shop around and have healthcare professionals on your team that are meeting your needs.

Instead of trying to fix everything, one gem from a panel member was to instead focus on one element that you can fix. When I’m feeling burned out I might turn off my phone for 12 hours, go outside to ease my mind or go to bed early so that I feel more rested. Take small steps.

Another panel member talked about diabetes as extra years thanks to modern medicine, and all of the wonderful things she’s been around to experience.

Without a doubt, this was the highlight of my time at DX2Melbourne, and a topic that really did need to be discussed. The live webcast will be available on demand in a couple of days, once the camera crew (yes, there was a crew filming us) processes it all together. I will keep you posted.

If you’re in Perth and would like to connect with other type 1s and learn more about mental health in a supportive environment, then I highly recommend that you come along to this event on Thursday, August 24.

Disclosures: Abbott covered my travel expenses from Perth to attend #DX2Melbourne. I was put up at The Blackman Hotel on Monday evening, and was fed and watered across the duration of the event. There was a lovely goodie bag with a FreeStyle Libre reader, two sensors and some branded stationery. There was no expectation that I would participate in this webcast if I did not wish to, nor was there any expectation that I would blog about the event at all!