I never imagined that I’d be spending the festive season detached from my insulin pump, but that’s just how badly I needed this break.
I was fatigued from insulin pumping, both physically and mentally.
I was tired of having that pump attached to me, rolling out of my pocket in bed, slipping down from where I tuck it inside my waistband, or giving those vibrating demands for my attention.
I was also tired of simply pumping insulin. I had tired of pre-bolusing, I was tired of looking basal rates, I was tired of correcting highs and then suspending my way out of subsequent lows. I had simply tired of putting in the effort, and it showed on my time in range.
This break was exactly what I needed.
It was nice not to have a visible reminder of my diabetes on me all the time. Lantus was a really nice set and forget when it came to basal rates, and it kept me relatively steady in the background. It was nice to simply lounge about, or leave the house with a noticeably emptier pocket.
Shorts weather also made it uber convenient to stick needles into my thighs, even under the dinner table while eating out. Although admittedly, I did feel just as reminded of my diabetes every time I was out and had to physically make a point of stopping to give a shot.
In those first few days I often found myself reaching for my pump when my blood sugar was trending low, and this was a good way for me to snap out of suspending my way out of lows, among some other bad habits that had been creeping in.
However, I also found it a lot easier to go high without my pump. Partly because I didn’t have the convenience of being able to efficiently correct when I was on the run. But also partly just…because. I suspect that perhaps I was missing that extra action from the rapid acting basal on my pump.
Once I went high, it took a lot more effort to bring myself back down. It was moments like these, where I was still cruising along at 12 after several correction shots patiently waiting for my blood sugar to budge, that I really missed my pump.
My last pump break was two and a half years ago. During each of those pump breaks I had taken prior, I seriously questioned whether insulin pumping was the best fit for me. I’ve only been pumping for four and a half years, mind you.
This time round, it didn’t take very long at all until I was itching for my pump back. After the first two weeks, I had to convince myself to keep going, knowing that two weeks was not enough of a break.
It kind of reinforced the realisation I’d come to last year, where I had finally reached a point where I was firmly an insulin pumper. Where I has comfy – dare I say liked – the kit that I was using, and that this was the method of insulin delivery that worked best for me.
I’ve been back on my pump for a few days now, feeling a little less fatigued, a little more refreshed and a little more appreciative of the tool I am using to administer insulin.
Ready for another year of diabetes.