Not tonight, I thought to myself as I paced back and forth in my room on Thursday night.
It’s too late now anyway, reassuring myself of what I’d just decided against, knowing that I would be ready for bed in a little over an hour.
Friday evening rolled around, and I knew that I was ready to do this. But after a plate of Pasta for dinner, I knew I would need a combination bolus to cover it and decided against it.
Saturday evening rolled around, and I couldn’t think of a better day to finally do this. I grabbed a Lantus pen from the bar fridge, stuck a needle on, dialled up 10 units and injected it into my stomach.
I disconnected my insulin pump, ripped the infusion site from my stomach, and tried to remember the best way to tell my pump to stop screaming no insulin delivery every 5 minutes (answer: program an empty basal pattern).
I have grown tired of my pump in recent weeks.
The weather has quickly warmed up since November rolled around, and having a pump attached to me really adds to the discomfort while I’m sweating it out on a hot day. Which I’ve been doing a lot of lately, being under the pump at work and racing around like a lunatic all day. When my clothes are sticking to me, the last thing I need is an annoying pump line there too.
I can’t remember the last time I went for a walk in the afternoon where I didn’t think that I’d done more damage to my blood sugars than if I’d stayed at home. Pumped insulin is so much more sensitive than the injected kind. Yes, I know how to use temporary basal rates and consume carbs, but can’t a guy just go for a walk without it being some big orchestrated chaos?
Infusion sites are beginning to feel like a real chore. They haven’t felt particularly comfy of late, and sometimes I can really feel the insulin sting on the way in. I find myself putting off changing a perfectly good site because I can’t be bothered dealing with a new one.
I guess my self care has also slipped in recent weeks. I haven’t been eating too well (translate: lots of trips down the chocolate aisle at Woolies), there’s been lots of slack guesstimates and my BGs haven’t been as great as they could be. I guess this lack of effort, combined with being overworked, has left me feeling exhausted at the end of the day. But I’m working on that. I also took it hard when I found out that I was unsuccessful at a job that I thought I would be perfect for.
At the moment, I don’t really want to be thinking about basal rates, insulin on board, infusion sites and the sense of urgency that comes with it all. I don’t need to be reminded of my diabetes every time I pull out my pump to deal with it.
I really think a change is what I need to clear my head and help me to feel a bit more excited about my diabetes management. Which sounds weird, I know, but doing the same thing every day feels absolutely monotonous. I’m also super grateful that I have the luxury of choices in my management, because not everyone in the world can afford insulin and basic supplies. Sidenote: check out T1International, who are working towards a world of #Insulin4All.
Also, I’m dying to go to the beach. Not that I can’t, but no pump sure does make it a hell of a lot easier…