Month: July 2015

Getting My Twitch Checked

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For the last couple of weeks, I’ve had a bit of a twitch in the bottom corner of my right eye. Like a rapid, vibrating sensation that comes and goes. And every time that it happens, I have the sudden urge to rub my eyes to try and make it stop. And every time that it happens, it annoys the hell out of me.

I didn’t want to take it too seriously because I’ve been on holidays over the last two weeks. But everytime a bad reading came up, I would feel guilty. And everytime I ate more than I should have, those horrible thoughts of complications would plague me. Crazy theories would run through my head at night. What if the blood and oxygen was struggling to get through? What if, somehow, I’d damaged one of the blood vessels in my eyes?

Yesterday I said I want to make more of an effort with my diabetes. That I want to take things more seriously than I’m currently doing. And after writing that post, I made an appointment to see the optometrist during my lunch break today. It’s been well over a year since I last got my eyes checked, and this twitch seemed like the perfect opportunity to shoot two birds with one stone.

I felt so serious, and so unenthusiastic as I was called in and sat down in that chair. I almost felt like I was in a job interview, justifying my reasons for being there.

“I’m here for two reasons today. The first one is that I have type 1 diabetes, and I want to have the back of my eyes checked. The second one is that I have a bit of a twitch in the corner of this eye, and I wanted you to have a look at it.”

He dismissed the twitch straight away, telling me that heaps of people get it. It’s triggered by stress, and that getting a good night’s sleep and cutting back on stimulants will help. And considering that I’ve practically been living on coffee during my holiday, this made complete sense. I’ve still been craving those coffees I’ve been having on my holidays since I came home. My morning espresso at the corner downstairs. The cappuccino with my big breakfast. And my afternoon coffee and cake at my favourite pasticceria in Sydney, Via Del Corso.

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I think I’m getting a bit carried away…

The digital retinal scan of my eyes looked fine. He also told me that my eyesight hadn’t deteriorated over the last 12 months, which would have been a sign of badly managed blood sugar levels.

To be honest, I was a bit bothered that he didn’t seem to take my concerns as seriously as I did. He gave me the impression that I didn’t need to be there, considering that I’d had an eye check last year.

“I’d rather be safe than sorry. I’d rather be safe than sorry, because I hear all these horror stories about diabetes and complications…”

I didn’t feel like I’d finished my sentence, but I trailed off and couldn’t get anymore words out. Maybe he didn’t fully understand the seriousness of diabetes. Maybe he didn’t get what complications were. Maybe in his eyes, it was all for nothing.

But in my eyes, I’d dismissed a major concern on my mind. In my eyes, I’d taken things more seriously than I normally would have. And in my eyes, it was better to be sure. I was able to walk out of there today feeling a little less heavy, and that was well worth the effort.

And those good results are definitely a start towards doing more for my diabetes.

I Don’t Feel Like I’m Doing Enough

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I’ve been stuck in a rut for a while. My hba1c levels are okay, I guess, but they’re not great either. And they’ve been stuck in that good, but not great phase for a long time. And right now, I just can’t stop thinking about this tweet from last week.

I have a love hate relationship with my doctor. I love how he can quickly dismiss my concerns when I’m not feeling well. But I hate that I don’t feel that anything constructive comes from seeing him. Every single visit usually goes the same way. He’ll tell me that my illness is “just a virus,” send me for a blood test and then tell me “you need to get your sugar levels down.” I’ll nod my head. I might even manage to mumble an “okay.” He’s usually running an hour behind, and I’ll be lucky to get five minutes in there before I’m pushed out the door. I know he’s not a diabetes expert, but it’s not like he even tries to offer any sort of genuine help.

Then there’s the endocrinologist. An endocrinologist appointment really does motivate me to do better with my diabetes. And I can talk to the endo, if its someone I’m comfortable with. But I don’t get to see them as often as I probably need to right now. If I’m lucky, I’ll get to see them twice a year. And if I’m extremely lucky, I’ll get to see the same endo both times. I’m due for an appointment right about now. In fact, I could really use an endocrinologist appointment right about now. And out of the whole six months that my appointment could have been scheduled for, it just had to be in the two weeks that I was on holidays. And now, the earliest I can reschedule for is January. January, for heaven’s sake. Being in the public health system can be so frustrating sometimes. 

And I just can’t stop thinking about that tweet. I think there’s a good reason I wrote it. I need to try harder to find the support I was calling for in that Tweet. It’s well and truly time for me to get back on track. I’ve had my break. Perhaps too long of a break. I’ve had a lot of fun and enjoyed a lot of good food. And now, it’s time for me to hit that reset button that comes after a good break.

Normally, I would have accepted that wait until January for an endocrinologist appointment. Normally, I would make those excuses about work and life and being busy. But today, I’m going to give my Diabetes Clinic a call and see if there are any cancellations that have come up. And I’m going to make more time for diabetes. Because right now, I don’t feel like I’m doing enough. And right now, I want to feel better about myself.

Blaming Diabetes For My Bad Day

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I had a terrible day on Friday, and for the first time in a long time, I found myself blaming diabetes for it.

I touched back down on my home turf late on Thursday, exhausted. I got home and unpacked most of the clutter from my hand luggage. My diabetes supplies, headphones, cables, laptop, glasses, Krispy Kreme donuts, Diabetic Living magazine, BridgeClimb certificate and toiletries. I climbed into bed, switched on my laptop and played a few episodes of Under the Dome before falling asleep.

On Friday morning I went to grab my camera, wondering where I’d put it. I searched through my top desk drawer, where it’s normally kept. Not there. I grabbed my now empty travel bag, furiously unzipping every compartment feeling around for it. Not there. I checked my toiletries bag. Not there. I ran out to the car, sticking my head inside the boot and under the seats. Not there. I desperately went rummaging through the suitcase, even though I knew there was no way it could be in there. Through all the clutter strewn around the suitcase. Nope, not there.

I had carried it around in my hand luggage the whole trip home. I had barely taken it out the day before. The last thing I could remember was at the hotel, just moments before we were about to leave. The sky was black and I had a pretty good view of the storm that was brewing. My only possible explanation was that I’d put the camera on the bench as I grabbed my jacket and bag, and forgot to pick it up again.

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I was furious. And for the first time in a long time, I really hated my diabetes for it. Maybe, just maybe, if I didn’t have to carry around all of that crap in my bag. My meter. My insulin pen. My lantus pen. My insulin boxes. My test strips. My needles. My marshmallows. My sharps container. Have I forgotten anything? If I didn’t have all of that crap to remember to take home, I might have remembered to pick up my camera on the way out the hotel door. The camera that was not very old. The camera that I’d paid a lot of money for. And the camera that carried all of the photos I’d had so much fun taking over the last two weeks.

Perhaps if I didn’t have diabetes, I wouldn’t have had to waste my whole Friday looking for this camera. I wouldn’t have had to spend my Friday stressed and unable to laugh with everyone else at lunch time. And I wouldn’t have had a leisurely day at home taken away from me.

I rang up the hotel, with no luck. I was convinced that there was no chance of it being anywhere else, but Mum encouraged me to cover my bases. I rang up the car company that drove us to the airport. I called Sydney Airport security and left a message on their lovely automated system. And finally, I called Qantas Baggage Services. “It’s a black Sony pocket camera in a black velvety LowePro case.” I said to the woman on the phone anxiously. “This sounds exactly like the one you’ve described sir, a Sony Cybershot digital camera in a LowePro case. It was found in row 46.” 

I was extatic. The camera was there the whole time, in the very last place I thought it could be. And all of a sudden, I was my happy holiday self once again. I didn’t care about having to make another trip to the airport. I didn’t care that I’d wasted the whole day. And I wasn’t angry at my diabetes anymore. I was just so happy to be reunited with my camera.

Thanks, Qantas. It’s nice to know there’s still some goodwill in the world.

Raising Awareness and Smashing The Stigmas

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I’ve found a few excellent statements and initiatives amidst this year’s disappointing National Diabetes Week campaign (which you can read more about here). I really was tempted to retweet and endorse them on Twitter earlier in the week, but couldn’t for one reason alone. Again, most of these words were printed on that depressing collage of sad people with eye patches and other diabetes complications. I will not endorse that. We should not be telling people that a life with diabetes is depressing. That a life with diabetes is black and grey and white. And that a life with diabetes is a death sentence.

The first one, #WalkWithD, comes from a group of advocates called Partnering for Diabetes Change. There are so many stigmas out there about diabetes. Like the other day, for instance. I disclosed my diabetes when booking my climb of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. I was automatically asked if I needed to have some lollies and pointed to the direction of the kiosk. And truth is, stigmas like these simply come from a general lack of diabetes awareness. Even my family, as much as I love them, won’t understand what I go through until they actually walk a mile in my shoes (and I hope they never have to). But by reading this blog, I hope they will have a better understanding. Share your story online and use the hashtag #WalkWithD.

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The second one is #TypeAll.  I think this one was a hasty counteraction from Diabetes Australia after people voiced that the National Diabetes Week campaign was too focussed on type 2 and “prevention.” Nonetheless, its still a simple, clear cut message. I support ALL people with diabetes, no matter the type.

And my favourite one, Diabetes Queensland’s #BGLSelfies. If you read yesterday’s post, you can see my selfie and the story behind it. The message is simple. Don’t be afraid to test. And don’t be ashamed of the numbers. Proudly hold up your meter showing your BGL test result, snap a selfie, and share it on social media with the hashtag #BGLSelfies. Its really empowering.

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Finally, go over and like Diabetes Queensland on Facebook. Its been by far my favourite social media page to follow during National Diabetes Week. They’ve created a very people powered feed, with lots of positive stories, awareness messages and general inspiration. Australia, we need to see more of this please!

National Diabetes Week may be coming to a close, but raising awareness and smashing the stigmas certainly won’t.

Hypo on the Harbour

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I’ve been wanting to do the BridgeClimb ever since I got to Sydney, and Tuesday’s spectacular weather looked like the perfect opportunity to do so. Everyone else wanted to come down to Sydney Harbour one last time before we left, so we decided to head down together for lunch beforehand.

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The steak burger I ordered for lunch came on a plate piled with way too many chips. I knew that I probably shouldn’t have eaten all of them. I knew that I was already feeling full after I was about halfway through. And I knew that amount of chips would probably send my blood sugars through the roof. But that plate looked so irresistable, and I was on holiday. In anticipation of that surge in my Blood Sugar Levels, I dialled up a generous dose of Insulin to cover it, and downed most of the plate.

After lunch, I separated from the others and headed off to book my climb. I still had well over an hour to kill before my 3.25pm climb, and decided to set off down a familiar walkway that I’d wanted to venture last time I was here. This walkway was situated directly under the Sydney Harbour Bridge, and took me right across to the other side. On the other side of the bridge was the Town of Kirribilli, a densely populated area in the northern part of Sydney. There were lots of apartment buildings, small streets, some vintage buildings and a train station called Milson’s Point. I really wish I’d taken some photos!

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Although I was carrying a shopping bag with all of my supplies, I had completely forgotten to bring some sugar for the BridgeClimb. There was a small Pharmacy there on that quiet street, and I was debating whether to go in and buy some jellybeans. I talked myself out of it, thinking that there was no way I’d go hypo after that lunch I’d had. I’d just be stuck with a packet of jellybeans to finish, something that I am absolutely sick of using for hypo treatment.

I headed back to my side of the bridge, and made my way back to that deserted street where the BridgeClimb building was located. I found some steps to sit and have a rest, and pulled out my meter to test. As much as I just wanted to sit there and rest, my meter forced me up again with the news that my blood sugar was 4.0. Just 4.0 less than two hours after eating lunch. Yikes. It must have been that long walk. I knew I had to get moving. I knew I had to find a shop of some sort to buy a drink from. And boy, oh boy, that street was dead quiet.

I started walking along, desperately searching for some sort of a shop. I really didn’t want to have to walk all the way back over to the busy Harbour area. But all I could see were high walls, deserted town houses and a few pubs. I really did not want to have to walk into a pub in that situation, either, but it might have to be a last resort. I found a modern looking building that stuck out in this old, quaint looking area. And there were signs of life inside. Nope, it was just an indoor basketball court. Walking a little further down, and I finally found a shop, where I grabbed an overpriced bottle of Solo.

I found a shady park bench outside and sat down under it. I cracked open the lid, and skulled down half the bottle. That cold, sweet liquid entering my mouth was the perfect thirst quencher after that long walk. I sat there for about 15 minutes. The calm slowly began to return to me, and I was able to get my breath back.

I walked into the BridgeClimb building and took a seat in the waiting area. I pulled out my meter, proudly held up the 6.2 post-hypo result, and decided to take a #BGLSelfie for National Diabetes Week. Because even a bad hypo wasn’t about to ruin my day.

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