Throwback Thursday: I Am Obsessed With Perfect Blood Sugar Levels

It has been an extremely busy month, and I’m very much looking forward to a Winter break as of tomorrow. Today I’m giving you the pleasure of some diabetes attitude from 2015 Frank. I’ll just sit in the corner and cringe…

I think sometimes I can be over obsessed with the idea of perfect blood sugar levels. I am so obsessed that it takes over my thoughts and my actions.

Hyperglycemia. I absolutely HATE seeing a blood sugar level of, say, 20. It usually happens after a day of unhealthy eating. And other times its a complete suprise. It irritates me. It frustrates me. It angers me. It guilts me. It even cues scary thoughts of future diabetes complications. I’ll hastily grab my insulin pen, dial up a big dose, and jab it in. I know its too big of a dose, but I’m not thinking clearly. I just want to get my blood sugar levels back down to earth ASAP. And I’ll do anything to avoid seeing those numbers again. And more often than not, I’ll end up over bolusing just to ensure my blood sugar levels don’t peak that high. Which leads me to…

Hypos. Hypos make me feel weak. Tired. Powerless. Defeated. Seeing a hypo is disheartening, particularly on days where I feel I’ve done all the right things. Drenched in sweat, hands trembling, head spinning, I’ll reach for the jellybeans and start to shove them in my mouth. I hate them and the dry, sugary taste they leave on my tongue that will have me dying of thirst later on. Once I start to feel better, the feels of frustration and anger will begin to kick in. Screw it. I’ll get up and find the nicest, most sugary treat I can find comfort in. And before I know it, I’m right back where I started.

If there’s one thing I want to clean out, its my obsession with having perfect blood sugar levels. There’s no such thing. I don’t know of anyone who has perfect levels all the time. I need to accept that my blood sugars will rise and fall. I need to accept that some of the foods I eat will make my blood sugars spike higher than others. I need to stop testing five minutes after a meal and make drastic decisions to fix my blood sugar levels according to what I think they should be. I need to learn to be patient and wait for my blood sugar levels to come down naturally. And I need to accept that sometimes hypos happen, and I shouldn’t let them get the better of me.

Because if I don’t accept it all, I’ll be trapped in this vicious cycle forever.

5 Comments

  1. Rick Phillips

    I am obsessed as well. I often ask myself why I care so much when for so long I cared nothing about it? I guess it is because i feel good, feeling good.

  2. Maria M

    I love how you said “sit back and cringe”. I also look at some of my old posts and can’t help but do just that 🙂

  3. Maciej

    Hi! I am 34 years old, having diabetes for 21 years, and I live in Poland. Similary, I sometimes woke up with 20 or got such results after big eating. Recently I decided to do something with my blood sugar levels. I decided to control my diet in a very simple way and now I’m balancing between 4.0 and 9.0 which is very ok for me. I eat small portions very often and try to limit simple carbohydrates. Always when I try to break those rules I get big results.

    • I’m glad you’ve found something that works for you. Although I do still eat some carbs, I definitely agree that reducing my carb intake does make a difference. Carb counting has helped me immensely, as well. Thanks for your comment!

      • Maciej

        You touched the right point – most important is to start thinking about how much carbs you eat. If you learn counting (actually estimating) then it’s easy to think and plan your diet. Next step I can see is mastering another skills like counting fats, proteins, calories which are helpful in improving your mood and body. Those practices are really simple but need your little focus which usually lacks.

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