I was staring at the infusion site on my stomach that needed to be changed on Friday night, and all I could think to myself was I really don’t want to do this.
I thought about the stressful week I had just had. I thought about all of the running around I’ve been doing lately, and the hypos that accompanied the running around. Spontaneous activity is so friggin hard to plan for. How can I possibly guess when I’m going to get the urge to vacuum my bedroom floor, fiddle around with the Christmas lights that have fallen, or water the garden – and set a temporary basal rate an hour in advance to stop me from going low? This was hardly an issue on Multiple Daily Injections.
It was 37 degrees on Friday, and the pump just added to the hot weather discomfort. That lump in my pocket was a cozy comfort during the Winter, but now it just annoys me. Every time I sprawl out on the couch, or lay down in bed, its there. Every time I have to stop and tuck the excess pump line back into the waistband of my shorts, only to have it emerge again soon after. Every time it weighs down my shorts with all of the other crap I carry around when I leave the house, and I’m left pulling up my pants every five minutes.
I’ve definitely been cruising a little more than I would normally allow myself. Hello, December. I had two iced coffees last week. At 69g of carbs a pop, it’s not something I can usually justify consuming, especially being in liquid form. I’ve been treating myself more often than I would usually allow, and carb considerations cross my mind less often than they usually do. Maybe a break would give me time to refocus?
I love my insulin pump. I love the added precision, and extra flexibility that it allows. Having an insulin pump has really motivated me to more actively manage my blood sugar levels and count my carbs. In seven months, I don’t think I’ve ever seriously considered abandoning my insulin pump.
But I was already daydreaming of being free from my pump. I was excited by the idea of shaking things up and doing something different, in the same, refreshing way that going Libre-less was.
I have learned so much about my insulin dose requirements since starting out on a pump, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I could apply this logic and newfound diligence into Multiple Daily Injections a second time around.
With Christmas just around the corner, I doubt that this pump break will last very long. But for a few days at least, I will savour the freedom of not having to feel for a flying pump every time I get up off the couch, and the extra space in my pockets.