Burnout Is In The Air

Don’t even get me started on those Spring has Sprung statuses…

I’ve been very much burned out these past couple of days. Surprisingly, nothing insulin pump related, either.

The truth is, I’ve had diabetes on the brain these past couple of weeks. I am striving to bring my A1C down by the end of the year. I’ve been stalking my glucose levels around the clock, demanding perfection. Carb counting. Weighing portions. Pre bolusing mealtime insulin. I’ve even heard the words remember to pre bolus escape from under my breath occasionally when I’ve been in the shower. I’m not kidding, either.

Last week, this constant diligence finally caught up with me.

I had two identical mornings, where I woke up slightly out of range on each. On Tuesday morning, my breakfast bolus failed to do it’s job of bringing me back into range. When I woke up slightly out of range again on Wednesday morning, I added another 10g worth of insulin to my identical breakfast, only to end up with an even higher blood sugar level than the day prior.

It got to me. It really got to me. Despite my best efforts, despite the constant monitoring and adjustments, I had still failed myself. Two identical days should be easier to manage, and yet they still produced completely different results. Diabetes is so damn unpredictable.

So I dropped the diligence. I didn’t feel like carb counting. I didn’t feel like weighing portions. I couldn’t be bothered pre bolusing insulin. I ate Croissants and chunky Kit Kats for lunch, because that’s what I felt like. Upward trend arrows on my Libre were compensated for with wild insulin boluses and temporary basal rates. Having access to unlimited glucose monitoring through my FreeStyle Libre sensor definitely made me feel I could get away with this downright shameful behaviour.

What scared me the most, however, was that this behaviour often mirrored my attitude towards diabetes prior to getting the pump. Lazy eating. Guesstimates. Rollercoaster swings in glucose levels. I lacked that sustained motivation. I didn’t really feel very much in control of my diabetes at all.

If this old reality has become “burnout” behaviour today, then I feel I’ve made a great deal of progress in the past couple of months.

7 thoughts on “Burnout Is In The Air

  1. Reading about your unlimited access to the Libre scanning reminds me of what my specialist said when I saw her a week again. I had put on a new disc and for some obscure reason…it didn’t work! I had waited the 60 min…it would scan twice showing hypo action eg below the 4 line…then come up with an error saying I had to wait 10 min etc. Are you sitting down….this resulted in me scanning 122 times that particular day because the stupid Libre disc wasn’t working properly! My specialist thought I had lost the plot! I explained I had attached the new disc and yes since my insulin/sugar is so bloody sensitive…I NEEDED to know what my BSL was! My poor fingers that day because I had no other option but to finger prick and of course it was one of my “roller coaster” days……a functioning Libre would have been useful! She then said to me…..you only actually need to check BSL when you wake up….before breakfast when you take insulin (Humalog 75/25)….NOT after breakfast….before lunch if you have any NOT after….before dinner with insulin NOT after and maybe before bed if you feel like it! Now that is max of 5 times a day! I said…”my fingers can handle 5 pricks a day then WHY did you think I should have this Libre thing (which is incorrect 90% of the time) if I’m only to check 5 times”…which is INSANE when my BSL can go from 6 to 15 from 3 jelly beans in a snip snap and drop just as fast….THAT was the reason I seem to remember getting the somewhat expensive Libre to minimise my sudden hypos because I also take beta blockers which can mask the symptoms of hypos but the Libre would tell me my BSL (somewhat) and ⬇️↘️➡️↗️⬆️….which is almost THE most important thing for me….where is the arrow pointing!

    I don’t count carbs….I eat the EXACT same thing every day for breakfast and dinner and even doing that….I get fluctuations like you! You would have thought eating the same would make the body react the same but NOOOOO! MANY other factors come into account apparently! Are you a bit dehydrated? Do you have a cold or are you sick? If you smoke…have you smoked more than usual? For women…is it that time of the month and are you on the pill? Have you started new meds especially antibiotics that mess with the insulin absobtion and often elevate glucose levels? Have you had just the smallest amount of alcohol? Do you have an infection somewhere in your body…especially kidney, bladder, liver or a UTI?

    The dehydration thing is VERY important if you are wearing a Libre because it works off the fluid just under your skin and if you are dehydrated…it doesn’t work properly…I know from experience! If I don’t keep my water up all to a minimum of 2 1/2 – 3 litres of water a day…my kidneys suffer…I get dehydrated…Libre doesn’t work and I turn into this maniac OCD scanner because it shows I am “low” all the time 🙁 SERIOUSLY….I scanned 122 times that day…I was completely obsessed! My husband said “if you don’t stop I’ll take the monitor to work tomorrow so you can’t scan all the time”! I felt like one of those ppl “Hi, my name is Dorte and I am addicted to checking my glucose levels”! That Libre thing has turned me into a panic ridden, anxious raving lunatic! I don’t go to the toilet without bringing it in case my BSL drops while I am in there (yes it happened one time when I had a tummy bug and was stuck on the toilet and I saw my BSL drop from 4.7 I think it was to 3.2 within 90 SECONDS…and I didn’t feel so flash!)…so now I bring it every time “just in case”!

    If I just deviate a little bit when it comes to what I eat…all hell breaks lose! Last night I was actually struggling to keep my BSL UP! I don’t like going to bed if it is under 7 cuz it drops over night and sometimes a lot and my hypos start at 5 for some reason….and one morning I woke up…checked the Libre just to find out I had had a hypo at 3am around the 3 mark and body didn’t wake me up…scared the living daylights out of me! So last night STRUGGLING to keep it up for some reason….I finally gave in at 3am…took a glucose tablet and went to bed and woke up at 6am with a BSL of 9.1! I have decided…I’d rather be “high” than “low”! Sure the highs give me this irritating hangover feeling but seeing 9 on Libre is better than 4.7 for me when my hypos come on so bloody fast!

    My A1c (or whatever it is called) was below 7% and average glucose is 9.2 so I must be doing SOMETHING right!

    Maybe it is time to take the Libre off for a while because I keep a manual diary anyway! The Libre is NOT accurate (actually far from) and it turns you into an anxious raving scanning looney toon 🙁

  2. Frank, we have a saying in area, it is not what you did that really counts. Instead what really counts is what you do next. That can be said about blood sugar management as well. burnout will happen, but the important thing is what we do after burn out starts.

    I wish you well my friend.

  3. Rick, that’s a really good comment.

    Frank It’s different for me as I’m a mum to a child with t1d, but I do experience a form of burn out too. It’s so overwhelming, multi-factoral and random. Please though, your behaviour is not “shameful”. I think I can hear in your blogs recently that you are really beating yourself up about this (eg the two biscuits). Don’t. You are so brilliant, informed, aware, responsible. So, you want to behave like a “normal” young man sometimes.

    What helps me is to try to find one thing to focus on eg one time block that the libre is showing out of range.

    Hope today is better.

  4. Its frustrating when you get different results, but at least you’re using that data & knowledge & not ignoring it. Its obvious how much you care about yourself from your posts, so don’t beat yourself up. These things happen.

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