I Don’t Feel Like I’m Doing Enough

I’ve been stuck in a rut for a while. My hba1c levels are okay, I guess, but they’re not great either. And they’ve been stuck in that good, but not great phase for a long time. And right now, I just can’t stop thinking about this tweet from last week.

I have a love hate relationship with my doctor. I love how he can quickly dismiss my concerns when I’m not feeling well. But I hate that I don’t feel that anything constructive comes from seeing him. Every single visit usually goes the same way. He’ll tell me that my illness is “just a virus,” send me for a blood test and then tell me “you need to get your sugar levels down.” I’ll nod my head. I might even manage to mumble an “okay.” He’s usually running an hour behind, and I’ll be lucky to get five minutes in there before I’m pushed out the door. I know he’s not a diabetes expert, but it’s not like he even tries to offer any sort of genuine help.

Then there’s the endocrinologist. An endocrinologist appointment really does motivate me to do better with my diabetes. And I can talk to the endo, if its someone I’m comfortable with. But I don’t get to see them as often as I probably need to right now. If I’m lucky, I’ll get to see them twice a year. And if I’m extremely lucky, I’ll get to see the same endo both times. I’m due for an appointment right about now. In fact, I could really use an endocrinologist appointment right about now. And out of the whole six months that my appointment could have been scheduled for, it just had to be in the two weeks that I was on holidays. And now, the earliest I can reschedule for is January. January, for heaven’s sake. Being in the public health system can be so frustrating sometimes. 

And I just can’t stop thinking about that tweet. I think there’s a good reason I wrote it. I need to try harder to find the support I was calling for in that Tweet. It’s well and truly time for me to get back on track. I’ve had my break. Perhaps too long of a break. I’ve had a lot of fun and enjoyed a lot of good food. And now, it’s time for me to hit that reset button that comes after a good break.

Normally, I would have accepted that wait until January for an endocrinologist appointment. Normally, I would make those excuses about work and life and being busy. But today, I’m going to give my Diabetes Clinic a call and see if there are any cancellations that have come up. And I’m going to make more time for diabetes. Because right now, I don’t feel like I’m doing enough. And right now, I want to feel better about myself.

13 thoughts on “I Don’t Feel Like I’m Doing Enough

  1. Hi Frank. Your not alone, I can tell you that the general Diabetic population feels the same way. We are attempting to mimic very fine body processes at a chemical level and we have limited tools and knowledge to do it, true we can always improve but don’t be hard on yourself because a lot of people would have packed it in by now! If you need support mate, call out anytime because it goes around and one day others may need to lean on you for support. Have an awesome day champ.

  2. Good stuff man. Sometimes it takes us awhile to find footing to climb into better control. Been there many a time.

  3. Hang in there Frank. I’m Type 2 but the things that you say have resonance with me. I’m fortunate that I have a very supportive wife who doesn’t judge me and listens to all of my rants. There one thing I would suggest to you – we’ve hooked up with a Diabetes educator rather than an Endo. She’s quite supportive and does take time to hear me out and offer practical suggestions. I get 6 monthly visits with her on a Chronic Disease Care Plan through our doctor so we try to span her out each 2 months over the year. Perhaps this might help a bit. I get really down at times because all I seem to think about day to day is my life with diabetes, and there got to be more to life than that! Take care mate.

    1. Thanks Ivan. I agree with you there, my diabetes educator was a great support system for those more emotional aspects of diabetes. Ive lost touch with mine since I learned all there is to know, but I should probably get back in touch. Thanks so much 🙂

  4. I’m glad to hear that you’re pushing forward and getting the help you need. Good luck and I hope you’re feeling better (whatever you define that as) soon.

Leave a Reply