Month: November 2016

What Type 1 Diabetes Is Really Like

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“How’s your diabetes going?” “Are you managing it alright?” “How are your levels?”

These are the questions that I am most often asked about my diabetes. Don’t get my wrong, I love fielding questions about diabetes. However, being asked about my diabetes so generally is so difficult for me to answer. I’m often left lost for words. Speechless.

Diabetes is so much more than just “good” or “not good.” “Pass” or “fail.” It’s never a simple answer. Diabetes in itself, is never simple.

Diabetes is one of the most unpredictable conditions to live with. Trying to mimic a healthy pancreas, while trying to live my life at the same time, is never easy. Two days with diabetes are never the same. Two identical days with diabetes don’t guarantee you the same results.

Everything affects diabetes. Everything and anything.

A good night’s sleep can be the difference between steady, or skyrocketing levels after waking. Physical activity that isn’t carefully planned for will send me low, and then high in the aftermath. Stress, and illness are enough to make my blood sugar levels as stubborn as hell. A plate of pasta is digested at a much slower rate than a plate of mashed potato.

To remain on top of this condition, I have to be on top of my game. Being on top of my game means living in anticipation of all of these things. Second guessing how accurate my carb counting was at dinner. Wondering if I will need a square of chocolate, or a couple of skittles, to keep me steady over the next couple of hours. Anticipating the timing of my insulin dose to match the food I am eating. Stressing about where my blood sugar levels will settle before I go to bed. Wondering whether I am doing enough to keep myself healthy, and free from long term complications.

After six years, diabetes has become somewhat of a second nature. Yeah, it frustrates me. Yeah, I don’t always get it right. Some times are tougher than others. I get burned out from time to time. There are days where I close my eyes, and bury my head in my hands.

But I don’t feel burdened. I don’t spend my days dreaming of a cure, or wishing it away. It hasn’t stopped me from doing whatever I set out to achieve in life. I will have type 1 diabetes for the rest of my life, and I’ve made my peace with that. 

Type 1 diabetes has made me a stronger, healthier, passionate and more confident person. Type 1 diabetes has shaped the person that I am today, and I wouldn’t trade that guy for anything in the world.

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Wishing you a Happy World Diabetes Day.

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There’s a 24 hour chat happening over on Twitter for World Diabetes Day. For those of you in Australia, it kicks off at 1pm WST/4pm EST. All you need is a Twitter account. Join in by following/tweeting with the hashtag #WDDChat16.

I will be hosting the 5am hour, which is 6pm WST/9pm EST for those of you in Australia.

Hope you can join me.

An Indescribable Feeling

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“Can I get my hba1c done?” I asked my diabetes educator, the minute I walked through the door.

“I’ll go get the kit.”

I waited for what felt like forever, my attention shifting from a wall clock identical to those in my high school, to a weary poster from the 90s shouting reduced risks of cardiovascular diseases for every 1% drop in my hba1c.

As I sat there, exhausted after a full on day and a week of rollercoaster blood sugar levels, I wondered what my hba1c might look like. I hadn’t set the bar very high for myself. I was convinced I wouldn’t be anywhere close to my personal goal. I’d be lucky just to clear the 7% mark, at best.

Even though we say all the time that we are more than just numbers, it’s so freaking hard not to feel defined by one. Every day, I wake up to numbers. I make decisions based on numbers. I over-analyse numbers. I feel frustration over numbers. My long term health is dependent on the numbers. Numbers are the very last thing I see, before I go to bed at night.

I’d be lying if I said that my last hba1c hadn’t been hanging over my head since August. I’ve poured my blood, sweat and tears into my numbers over the past few months. But as my diabetes educator made her return to the room, I was about to learn that all of that effort had paid off.

“You’re joking!” I exclaimed.

“I’m not.”

“I can’t believe it!” I said to myself, leaning back and shooting both my arms up into the air in victory.

The feeling was indescribable.

Not only had I bested my personal goal, but I had clocked in over a point lower than August, and had set a new personal best.

I felt a million miles lighter. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I felt like I was sitting on top of the world. I felt free.

I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face as I stepped out into the mild, sunny November afternoon. As I made my way down Hospital Avenue and back to my car, I kept repeating my new a1c over and over in my head.

I made a pit stop at San Churros on the way home for a Spanish White Hot Chocolate. A big plate of Connoisseur Belgian Chocolate Ice Cream followed when I arrived home, as I eagerly told my family the news.

I felt proud. I had fought a gruelling battle to regain some form of control over my blood sugar levels in the past year, and I had come out on the other side stronger than ever.

In that moment, I had won.

Eating Some Carbs, and Moderate Protein

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A few months ago, I wrote about some of the changes I was making towards my carbohydrate intake, and I think it’s time for a bit of a follow up.

I’m quite a spontaneous eater. For a long time, I’ve struggled with trying to curb my snacking and be diligent inbetween meals. I would have weeks where I would be super diligent, have excellent blood sugars, but was super hungry and fidgety. Those good spells rarely lasted beyond a week or two, and I would eventually end up rebounding with more carbs.

I was also eating a lot of fast acting carbohydrates and empty foods that left me hungry soon after. Some days I would snack mindlessly in the afternoons, and I never felt great or super energetic at the end of the day.

I knew all of this, but never resolved to do anything about it until recently. In my mind, I never set out on this with the intention of going extreme low carb. Life is too short not to eat cake or drink coffee. For me, this was more of a way to try and improve my eating habits, incorporate more sustaining energy sources into my diet, and to feel better overall. Maybe, just maybe, that would be the key to making my glucose levels a little more manageable.

I now try to have at least one protein source with either breakfast or lunch. For breakfast, I’ve thrown eggs on toast into my rotation alongside Oats or Weetbix and Banana. For lunch, I’ve thrown steak sandwiches and tuna sandwiches into my rotation, rather than having toasted ham and cheese every day. Dinner is usually a cooked meal, and would likely include a protein source at least 4 times a week.

Significant protein meals do need a bolus. I’m still experimenting with this, but I’m finding that setting an extended bolus for 50% of the protein over 2 hours is too much. I would like to give this theory a go, where I would bolus for 100% of the protein amount over 20g.

On good days, I try to keep my snacks inbetween meals very low carb. I usually snack on nuts and cheese, and often have a milky coffee with it, which is about 8g of carbs.

There are still plenty of moments where I indulge. But it doesn’t necessarily happen every day like it used to. Treating myself is more of my choice now, not simply because I’m feeling empty and craving something sweet. If I’m guessing for a piece of cake, I do try to look at it and think about the carb count. It really does make all the difference. The Calorie King app on my iPhone is also really handy for finding carb counts on the go.

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I don’t have a strict number of carbs that I hold myself to each day. As a ballpark figure, I would say that I would eat an average of 30g per meal. But it really does depend on the meal. A low day might be 70-80g of carbs. A high day might be 120g. I think I would rarely go near 150g in a day.

What’s surprising me the most is how much I have unconsciously reduced the amount of carbs I have eaten. For instance, there are days where I glance at my pump and realise that I’ve only eaten something like 75g without even noticing. My blood sugars are more manageable, in part because I have reduced my carb intake, but moreso because I don’t have that urge to snack mindlessly anymore. There is definitely more of a variety and satisfaction in my diet, which translates to less of a desire for junk food. I think I have brought my lunch once in the last month, as opposed to every Friday. Unless you count coffee.

I definitely don’t view carbs as the enemy, so long as I go about them sensibly, carb count and pre bolus insulin appropriately. Carbohydrates that I do eat regularly include nutritious lower carb bread, such as Baker’s Delight Cape Seed loaf or Burgen varieties. Greek style vanilla yoghurt, fruit, vegetables, milk and oats. I eat pasta and rice in moderation if they are a part of the evening meal. I also have a block of chocolate handy for a treat if I’m craving something sweet. 

I often receive e-mails and messages asking me if I would consider going on a genuine low carb high fat, or ketogenic diet. For me, what I am doing at the moment is realistic. That 30g per meal is a number that doesn’t send me rebounding on more carbohydrates. Super high fat or greasy meals don’t particularly appeal to me, either. And to be honest, I’m never going to be the kind of person who converts to low carb as a way of life.

As always, diet is a very individual choice, and I have come across a variety of different perspectives in the DOC. There’s no right or wrong approach. In my mind, the right diet is the one that is realistic, that you can sustain, and that will make you happy.

At the moment, I’m confident that this is the approach that I want to continue with going forward, and the one that will send me toward the a1c I am aiming for. 

My Desk Says a Lot About My Diabetes

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My blood sugars have decided to go rogue in this past week, and I’ve had a tough time trying to predict what they’re going to do to me next.

You can see it by the mere sight of my desk.


There’s a FreeStyle Libre reader in the white organiser that I have kept within close reach lately. It’s been my saving grace this weekend, while my blood sugar levels have been completely messed up. It provides me with trend arrows the minute my blood sugar levels began skyrocketing, and again as soon as they start plummeting low.

There are test strips strewn across my desk. There have been a few scary moments this weekend where my blood sugar levels were moving quite rapidly. Despite wearing a Libre sensor, during confronting moments like these I need reassurance. There were times where I felt compelled to prick my finger every couple of minutes, just to be sure that my blood sugars were heading in the right direction.

There are blood stains on the beech coloured surface of my desktop that, frankly, don’t look pretty. I’m tempted to clean it, but I know that diabetes won’t allow it to stay clean for very long.

On the left hand side, I’m staring at a notepad that is strewn with numbers. Basal rates, insulin to carb ratios, blood sugar levels, units of insulin taken, carb counts and corresponding times of the day. Notes that I sit and stare at for prolonged moments of time, as I try to make sense of blood sugar levels that aren’t making any sense.

I open my desk drawer and I see a huge party bucket of skittles, that I certainly have no intention of cracking open at any party. Skittles that I carefully divide into portions of 9, and store in empty test strip containers. 9 skittles that add up to 10g of carbs, a perfectly convenient serving that I can easily shove down my throat the moment a hypo strikes.

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I scoop up all of the used test strips into the palm of my hand, and walk over to the rubbish bin. I place my foot on the pedal, and the lid lifts to reveal a vial, half filled with insulin. The vial I threw away last night when my blood sugars were skyrocketing, just to be sure that it hadn’t spoiled.

It’s here in this moment, staring inside a rubbish bin, that I see the bigger picture. Suddenly, I don’t feel like the going is so tough anymore. I don’t feel as crappy as I have been for the past few days. I don’t feel the guilt of awful blood sugar levels so much.

When the going gets tough, I still have the best tools available for me to manage. A script for 25 cartridges of insulin costs me a mere $35. A box of 100 test strips costs me $16. Although my wage is less than glamorous, I can make room for FreeStyle Libre sensors when I need them. I have devices that can be uploaded to a PC, where I can analyse the data. I can call my diabetes educator for assistance, completely free of charge thanks to the public health system in Australia.

I have nothing to complain about. For DOC friends in the US, skyrocketing insulin prices are of real concern. A loss of health insurance coverage is of real concern, because it’s tied to diabetes supplies. Meanwhile people with diabetes in developing countries of the world cannot even afford insulin, supplies, education, treatment – and the ability to merely survive.

T1International are a fantastic organisation based in the UK that advocate for equitable access for people with type 1 diabetes worldwide. You might be familiar with their #Insulin4All movement. This year, T1International are urging us to sign the Type 1 Diabetes Access Charter. The Charter will be used to bolster advocacy efforts worldwide, showing that there are many voices united in support of these rights.

Insulin is a right. Managing your blood sugar is a right. Diabetes education is a right. Healthcare is a right. A life free from diabetes discrimination is a right.

It makes me sad that in this day and age, not everyone in the world is able to access the same standard of diabetes care that I do. Signing the Charter only takes a moment of your time, and you can do so by clicking here. 

Make it the one thing that you do this Diabetes Awareness Month.

Throwback Thursday: The Things I Don’t Tell You About My Diabetes

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Two years ago I began writing this blog, and opening up about my diabetes. It’s incredible to think that there was a time where I did shy away from my diabetes, considering that I called in sick to work yesterday citing high blood sugar levels!

I look back at old posts and realise how much my attitude towards diabetes has changed over time. I distinctly remember not being able to sleep one night, sitting up in bed, grabbing my laptop and simply letting the words flow. While a lot of things from this post have changed for the better, some things here still hold true.

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There are so many aspects of my daily life that those around me would have absolutely no idea about. Of course most people around me know that I check my blood sugar levels and inject myself with insulin. But what about all those other invisible things that nobody ever sees, the things I choose to keep to myself.

Thoughts. Its been almost five years since I’ve been able go to bed without being plagued with worrying thoughts. What will my blood sugar level be in an hours time? In two hours? Four hours? Tomorrow morning? Do I still have active insulin in my system from dinner? How much more am I likely to drop? Will I go hypo? Or will my blood sugar rise later on because of the fatty food I had earlier?

Hypos. Being woken up at 2am drenched in sweat and shaking like mad. The frustration of having to open my eyes and get up from my comfy position under the covers. I know I’m hypo, but I’ll still reach for my meter just to be sure. Yep. I’ll reach for the bag of jellybeans sitting beside my bed, begrudgingly shoving them into my mouth. I hate them. The dry, sugary taste that will stick to my tongue for hours and leave my throat dry. I’ll be dying for a drink by the time I wake up. And then I’ll have to fall asleep all over again.

Hypers. Waking up in the morning thinking of one number while my meter is showing something ridiculous like 20. I’m so furious, so frustrated at the thought of my blood sugar being that high for that long. Then cue the scary thoughts of diabetes complications and damage I’ve done to my body. Desperate to being my blood sugars down ASAP, I’ll dial up a big dose of insulin. Only to find a few hours later that I’ve overcorrected and am hypo instead.

And then there’s those public situations. Like Work. Having to refuse that spontaneous treat that my workmate has brought in to share, and then being asked why not. Or accepting it and then racing back to the bathroom for a quick jab of insulin while nobody is around. And then waiting for that private moment to test my blood sugar level away from prying eyes. I’m doing myself a favour. Saving myself from that conversation where I’m asked if I can’t eat sugar and told stories about that friend or relative who has diabetes too.

But I take it all in my stride. I don’t complain to my family. I don’t tell those well meaning conversationalists to shut up. I just deal with it. And most of the time, I dont even stop to actually think about what I’m doing. Its just something I have to do. Its a part of being me.