Month: September 2015

My Dad on the Day of My Diagnosis

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Where would I be without my Dad? He was always my protection growing up. When I was four, he would sit beside my bed every night because I was scared of the dark. When I woke up sick in the middle of the night, I would run across the hallway calling out for him. And when I’m miserable and talking negatively about anything, he’ll be the first to tell me to stop talking rubbish.

Dad was the one who drove me to hospital on the day of my diagnosis five years ago. I was sitting in the car fazed, panting, nauseated and thirsty. My pulse was beating ever so rapidly, and I had no idea what was happening to me. I was sitting there, next to him, with no honest idea whether I would survive the car trip there. But I knew that I could rely on him to get me there, and get me through it.

Dad was there by my side as I was helped onto a bed in the emergency room, and almost certainly diagnosed with diabetes the minute I lay down. My fazed self had heard the word diabetes, and I was devastated. I thought that it was my fault. I was terrified at the thought of needles. And I can even remember asking Dad if they were sure that it was diabetes and not something else. Reassuringly, Dad told me that the doctors had said that I would still be able to live a normal and healthy life.

One thing me and my Dad share in common is that we have both been through life threatening conditions during our lives (admittedly his was bigger than mine). And today, we are both dependent on prescription medication for the rest of our lives because of it (mine being insulin, his being something completely different). We usually go to the Chemist to get our prescriptions filled together. While we are waiting, he usually points to things like jellybeans to remind me if I need any. It’s one of those annoying Dad things that he loves to do, even at home, but I appreciate it anyway.

Being diagnosed at the age of 17, my Dad hasn’t had the diabetes duties that many other d-parents face. But he did perform a big diabetes duty that day in helping to save my life. He got me through that day. And I am still here today, writing this story because of it.

Happy belated Fathers Day, Dad. And Happy Fathers Day to all the other Dads and d-parents in Australia for yesterday.

September Goals, Of The Diabetes Kind

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I always tell myself that I’m going to do all of these new things. I’m going to eat healthier, exercise more, get my BGLs down, finish my book and take more time out for myself. It’s so easy to imagine the better person that I’m going to be for it, and I always get swept away at the thought of achievement and success.

If only reality were that simple. I have been absolutely terrible at sticking with goals in the past. And I always get laughed at for the things that I quickly give up or put away, such as the new book on my bedside table every week, or the bike and helmet sitting out in the shed. I doubt that I’ve kept with a single one of my goals in the past. Until now, that is.

One of my personal goals at the beginning of this year was to start a blog. And never in a million years did I imagine what would come from it. For one thing, I never thought that I’d be able to keep at it for so long. Or that I would enjoy writing it so much. Or that people would actually read it. I never thought that I would actually become interested, or dare I say passionate, about diabetes. I never would have guessed that there was a massive Diabetes Online Community out there, and that I would have friends all over the world because of it. And I never would have imagined writing an advocacy column for Insulin Nation that was noticed by Diabetes Australia and resulted in a small policy change.

Today, setting some new goals finally seems realistic. And I actually have some confidence in myself that I might achieve them, or at least give them a red hot crack.

Return to good overnight blood sugar levels

I enjoyed 2 weeks of waking up to perfect blood sugar levels, and it was honestly the best feeling in the world. I woke up with so much positive energy and enthusiasm to go about my day, and I would love to return to that.

Set some social media free time

I heart the DOC. It’s the best thing that’s come from having diabetes, ever. But I do feel that it has gotten to the point of being a little overwhelming and time consuming. I would love to get into a routine of switching off before bed. I feel a lot calmer and happier when I make time for myself, and sleep easier.

Finish my book

A year ago, I eagerly trekked into the city to grab a copy of Under the Dome by Stephen King, yet I’ve lacked all motivation to read it. I picked it up again a few weeks ago, and I’m now more than halfway through.

Be more positive

I would love to be a little more positive. I often curse, complain, sigh and let the frustrations that occur throughout the day get to me. I would love to be able to just shrug them off and see more positives.

Read more diabetes blogs and interact more in the #DOC

I kind of feel guilty that I write a diabetes blog, but don’t read as many others as I’d like. I also feel guilty for all the support I receive from the #DOC but don’t return back. I’ll often spend time crafting a response to a tweet or blog post, overthink my comment, and then end up deleting it. I need to just go with it!

Write another column for Insulin Nation

I wrote a fantastic piece for Insulin Nation in July about access to test strips in Australia. It triggered an overwhelming response and was one of my proudest advocacy moments. I’d love to come up with another story as well written as that one, and I know that they would love to have me back to write for them again.

It goes to show that you should dream big. If you believe in it, others will see it.

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A Marathon of the Diabetes Kind

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I hate running. I absolutely hate it. I can remember dreading sports carnival season when I was in school. Although I never stood a chance in hell of making the cut, I still had to try out and run a lap of that dreaded 800 metre track. Despite how slow I was, every year I dreamt of being able to keep up with my classmates. I would start running. I would enthusiastically try to keep up with the others. I would be able to keep running for the first 100, maybe even 200 metres. Even though I felt like I was killing myself to keep up, my classmates just seemed to effortlessly speed past me.

And I was left behind. Then I would give in to my body’s urge to slow down. I would be puffing and panting. I would be able to feel the pulse in my chest, beating ever so rapidly. I would have to walk some of the distance. And if I was extremely lucky, I’d even get to see some of my classmates overtake me on their second lap. Eventually when I was the last one left on the track, everyone would start cheering me on, more out of pity than anything else. I would start to pick up the pace as best as I could, despite my body telling me otherwise. I would cross that finish line, and collapse to the ground with exhaustion. I could never go the distance.

I feel exactly the same way about my diabetes. Diabetes is like running a marathon every day. Except that a marathon of the diabetes kind has no finish line. I can’t slow down because I’m exhausted, emotional and frustrated. I can’t pull out of the race because I know I won’t get the results I want. And I can’t stop running because I don’t like it anymore.

That finish line keeps moving a little further away the closer that I get to it. There are the obstacles of life that get in the way, and keeping that finish line in sight seems nigh on impossible sometimes. There are so many points where I just want to stop running. There are so many points where I don’t know if I can dig any deeper.

But there is one small difference between that primary school race track and the diabetes one.

In a marathon of the diabetes kind, I am lucky enough to have a whole team of people who are cheering for me. Not out of pity because I’m in last place, but because they genuinely care. My wonderful family, for one. The family who believe, perhaps more than me, in my chances of a relatively normal life. And possibly even a cure at some point down the track. My healthcare team. My diabetes educator and my endocrinologist, who I know are on my side. Who I know I can talk to honestly and without judgement. The people in my life who care enough to ask how my diabetes is going, even though the question annoys the hell out of me! And the wonderful Diabetes Online Community, who are a never ending source of support and encouragement.

Diabetes is always changing. Diabetes is always throwing obstacles onto the track, in the hopes of knocking me sideways. But so long as I have people on the sidelines to cheer me along, that finish line will always be in sight.

Photo: A feeling of achievement while running my diabetes marathon at the Royal Botanic Gardens in Sydney this July.

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#DOC Burnout Day

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When I started writing this blog earlier in the year, I knew absolutely nothing about diabetes beyond my own ability to live with and manage it. I didn’t even think that there were many diabetes blogs out there, let alone good ones. And little did I know that there was a whole community of people with diabetes out there to connect with, that I had missed out on for five long years.

I joined Twitter, where a few kind people reached out and followed me. I discovered the wonderful Oz Diabetes Online Community, and have joined them every Tuesday night since. I took part in my first Diabetes Blog Week, where I connected with many other people with diabetes who I have kept in touch with ever since. I have recently signed up for TuDiabetes, which has forums filled with lively diabetes discussion. I am also starting to venture into friendly Facebook groups, and launched a Facebook page for this blog last week as well (care to send a like my way?).

The DOC ignited my passion for diabetes. The DOC is one of the best sources of inspiration, conversation, motivation and support when living with diabetes. And the DOC is by far what motivates me to write and share through this blog each and every day.

Throughout my day, I get to see what’s going on in the DOC in Australia. Some of my DOC friends in the US will post updates about how their night is going (obviously not good, if diabetes is keeping them awake!). From late afternoon, my DOC friends in the UK will begin to emerge and give us their first thoughts of the morning. And then from early evening, the biggest DOC market, the US begins to emerge. There’s always breaking news, interesting stories to read and people’s thoughts to engage my mind with.

It’s hard not to feel a little overwhelmed, or even addicted to something which runs 24 hours a day, right across the world. It certainly can be difficult to go to sleep when there’s a whole other world out there that’s awake and buzzing with information. I certainly don’t want to give up something that I feel so strongly about and get so much out of. But I absolutely hate the fact that the DOC can be very time consuming. And I do feel as though I need a break from it sometimes for the sake of my wellbeing.

Athough I don’t do it often enough, I feel good when I switch off from the DOC a few hours before bed. I feel calmer and happier. I feel good at the thought of having time to myself. And it’s far easier to fall asleep when my mind isn’t swimming with DOC thoughts and information. I would love to get into a regular habit of switching off social media for at least 10 hours at night. And I need to remind myself more often that the DOC is still going to be there to catch up with in the morning.

Ever feel like you’ve gone through a DOC burnout? Today is Diabetes Social Media Burnout Day, and Diabetes Daily invites you to share your burnout stories and tips.

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