Body Image

Most of the time my insulin pump sits clipped safely inside the left pocket of my track pants, pyjama bottoms, jeans or shorts. I’m pretty grateful that pockets are the norm in most of the clothes that I purchase these days.

I’ve tried clipping my pump to my waistband, but to be honest it just doesn’t feel comfortable there. It’s harder to reach, more work to put back and easier to knock into things.

Most of the time, my insulin pump doesn’t bother me inside my left pocket.

Until I get dressed for work, and tuck my business shirt into my trousers.

Then, my insulin pump definitely bothers me.

I don’t particularly like seeing my pump line protruding from my waistline all the way to my left pocket. I don’t enjoy having to rein my line back in through the day as it comes loose from constant movement. I hate having to navigate my iPhone around my pump line every time that I dive into my left pocket to reach for it.

The other morning as I was getting dressed for work, I could really feel the frustration.

In a moment of diabetes randomness, I pulled my insulin pump band out from inside my diabetes junk drawer. I pulled the blue band over my head and shoulders, pulled my arms over and settled it low around my waist until it finally started to feel comfy.

I grabbed my pump and concealed it inside the pockets of my blue waistband, shuffling it around on my waist trying to find somewhat of a comfy spot. I finally settled just past my left hip, heading closer towards my back. After a bit of fidgeting, I tucked my shirt in and it didn’t feel all that bad.

An hour later I was at work, moving around. I could feel my pump band shifting away from my comfy low zone and slowly creeping up my waist. I could feel myself going low, instantly regretting the 1 unit I had given myself for the eggs I’d eaten for breakfast.

As I walked back to my desk and popped open my jar of glucose tabs, I remembered exactly why I’d never done this before. As I instinctively reached for my pump to check how much insulin I had on board, I was reminded why I liked having my pump clipped in my left pocket rather than anywhere else.

Some days I glance at my pump in the mirror while getting dressed and feel so comfortable having it there to help better manage my blood sugars for me.

Other days I feel dirty, weighted down and different for having it there.

The size of diabetes devices really do make a difference to my mindset and quality of my life.

For the time being, it’s just something that I’ll have to learn to live with.