My Story.

I recently submitted this piece of writing to a diabetes publication in the hope that they might consider featuring it at some point. While I was sad (and surprised) that they weren’t able to accommodate it, I’m incredibly proud of it. You’ve probably seen bits and pieces of my story scattered through this blog, so today I invite you to take the journey with me in the comfort of one blog post. From the moment I first began developing symptoms of diabetes right through to today where I feel supported, loved and owing a whole heap of debt to my diabetes tribe all over the world!

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I’m one of the privileged few who was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes a few weeks shy of my 18th birthday.

My first noticeable symptom was weight loss, both on the scales and in front of the mirror. I thought nothing of it. A few weeks later I found myself unable to concentrate on my uni assignments for three straight days, distracted by feelings of extreme lethargy and thirst.

Within an hour of going to work the following morning, I lacked the energy to stand on my own two feet and had to call it a day. I visited a GP, who told me I had a virus and sent me home on hot fluids and bed rest.

I spent the next three days in bed, something that I rarely ever do when I’m sick. My thirst was insatiable. My mouth was devoid of all it’s saliva, making solid foods very unappealing. When I woke up on the fourth day feeling nauseated and short of breath, my Dad drove me to hospital where I later learned I was in a state of Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA).

Initially, I did feel a brief sense of dread at the prospect of having diabetes forever. However after feeling so poorly for several weeks, I was simply relieved to have my energy back! I don’t remember actually processing my type 1 diagnosis all that much right away. I really just had to dive back into uni, work and turning 18!

I left hospital knowing how to inject insulin and check my blood sugar. My parents were a great support to me at home, and I had a wonderful diabetes educator who I saw at the hospital diabetes clinic.

While I count myself lucky that I went through adolescence without diabetes, being diagnosed as a young adult presented a unique set of challenges. Nobody knew that I had diabetes. I didn’t grow up with it, I didn’t go through school with it, and it wasn’t simply there for the world to see. I didn’t know life any other way.

I wasn’t able to experience diabetes camps or other youth-oriented activities that would have automatically connected me to other people with diabetes. Being diagnosed at an age where I was fairly independent in my management, I didn’t have a parent or caregiver to share this experience with me first hand.

Diabetes quickly became a very isolating thing to deal with. Diabetes didn’t feel normal. I felt awkward. Different. Moreso at a time while others my age were venturing out into the night partying and drinking like there was no tomorrow, while I was sitting at home after my 18th birthday party eating my way out of a low.

I was really conscious of my diabetes. I checked my blood sugar and injected insulin in private. There were times where I didn’t leave home prepared. I didn’t know how to talk about something that felt so unexplainable. It became easy to keep diabetes to myself, and assume that nobody else would understand.

Diabetes was extremely tough to manage, and in hindsight I was probably weaned away from diabetes education too early. I wasn’t very motivated or engaged in my management, and diabetes definitely produced a lot of emotion.

In 2015 I began writing my blog. Writing has always been my passion, and I knew that I had wanted to start a blog for quite some time. I didn’t think that there was much out there on the interwebs from people actualy living with diabetes, however I was quickly proven wrong!

I began using Twitter, where I found a lot of other people with diabetes openly sharing their experiences. I discovered a group called the Oz Diabetes Online Community (#OzDOC), where weekly diabetes themed chats took place on Tuesday nights. I’m also in a few closed groups on Facebook, and I can see how powerful they are in providing a safe space for other people with diabetes to seek peer support.

Online peer support eventually extended into the offline world. I’ve been lucky enough to receive invites to a few diabetes conferences and events, where I’ve been able to put faces to some of the folks I’ve met online. The feeling is so surreal!

Here in Perth, I’ve also been working with an amazing Young Adult Diabetes Committee. We meet monthly and put together events to fulfil some of the unmet needs of young adults living with diabetes. It’s really exciting to finally have somewhat of a diabetes community closer to home.

Diabetes can be an incredibly isolating condition to live with, and there really is something to be said about sharing our experiences with people like us and hearing the words ‘me too.’

The Diabetes Online Community, or DOC as the cool kids called it, was my very first form of connection to other people with diabetes. It helped me to gain a great deal of confidence in my own condition. Day or night, there’s a good chance that others will be around for support in this global community.

Immersing myself in diabetes blogs, books and websites, I also found a wealth of useful information that helped me to become more engaged in my management. I got back in touch with my diabetes educator, and eventually made the leap from multiple daily injections to insulin pumping in 2016.

Blogging, and wider diabetes advocacy, has since become my passion. I’m incredibly proud of my little corner of the internet, where I’ve documented so much of my journey over the past three years. It has made my world a lot smaller today, and for that I am extremely grateful.

In 2015, I never imagined a life where connection to other people with diabetes would contribute to my physical and mental wellbeing. Peer support has been one of the biggest game changers in my eight years of living with type 1 diabetes, and it’s the one thing that I hope to change for others walking in my shoes.

Embracing Minimalism.

My bedroom, which doubles as my workspace, is one of the more poorly lit rooms in the house.

A few years ago, I painted the white, dishevelled walls with a refreshing coat of sky blue. The great creaky brown wardrobe was replaced in favour of a more built in style with great white sliding mirror doors. Last year I purchased an attractive white floor lamp which now overlooks my desk and does a super job at flooding the room with some much needed warm light.

Despite all of these changes, it still hasn’t felt like a place where I might feel focussed. If I have any hope of achieving my resolution of ‘less is more’ this year, than I damn well need my focus. As I was searching the interwebs for ideas to make a room look brighter, I came across a suggestion of embracing a more minimalist style.

As I began to clear the many surfaces, shelves and walls in my room, I realised just how many visible signs of diabetes there are scattered everywhere.

The dry blood stains left on my desktop, from every used test strip that I’ve lazily discarded there.

The empty vials of glucose tabs scattered across my bedhead at the most inconvenient of times, that I’ve been simply too lazy to throw away.

The open packets of infusion sets that I leave on my chest of drawers after a site change, just in case I’ve chosen a bad site and require the needle to re-apply it.

The silver box of Nurofen Zavance capsules, that I take on the occasionally bad days where diabetes makes dealing with the normal person stuff a lot harder.

The pencil case full of my diabetes travel gear, that I lazily fling atop my chest of drawers the moment I walk in the door.

The meter, test strips and lancing device that sit within easy reach of my bedside at night, but are nothing more than a hindrance to my work vibes during the day.

The notepad on my desktop, filled with some of the most undecipherable diabetes scribble.

The handful of meter batteries on the corner of my bedhead, that I haven’t yet found the time to sort into piles of ones that work and ones that don’t.

The USB wall chargers and bright yellow cables used to charge up diabetes devices, that are then left creeping across the floor for several days to come.

The sight of my hoard of diabetes supplies in my wardrobe, because I’m often too lazy to slide the door back across.

As I look around staring at more wall space, surface space and shelf space, my room suddenly feels so much brighter.

I realise just how suffocating all of those small but visible signs of diabetes made me feel, and I’m vowing to make more of an effort to keep them behind closed doors.

Rationality.

One of the pastimes I am often found guilty of is trawling the interwebs for diabetes gear.

Managing diabetes day in and day out, can feel downright monotonous at times. Anything that helps to make me feel more excited about checking my blood sugar, treating a low, or more effectively delivering my insulin doses are all winners in my book. Being a guy, I’m constantly trying to make things as compact and easy as possible to travel with when I’m on the go.

But I’m also a really sensible person. A practical one as well, while I’m at it. I don’t like spending money on things that I don’t have a use for. I constantly weigh up whether my hard earned dollars could be better spent on things like test strips, pump consumables, paying bills or meeting the financial goals I’m working towards. And damn, diabetes gear can be so bloody expensive.

I’m a terrible decision maker, too. I’ll often hover over an item for long enough to be laughed at by my family, deliberating over whether I like it enough and whether it’ll be useful enough for the price tag attached to it. I’ll bring things home, and have a change of heart soon after, thinking about what I could have better put that money towards. I’m not just talking about diabetes gear anymore, either…

Another item I’ve been mulling over during Christmas is a fully fledged CGM. I was actually asked the question just a few days ago, when my rationality began pouring from my mouth. The cost of the transmitters, that send blood glucose data from the sensor to my iPhone or receiver, would be enough to purchase a year’s worth of FreeStyle Libre sensors. That money could also be put towards other essential stuff like health insurance, doctor’s visits, test strips, pump consumables, hypo treatments, batteries and insulin. Ditto to the question of overseas travel.

Yeah, I might be a rational person in nature. Yet still, I believe that living with diabetes is definitely one of the reasons as to why I am so rational. No matter how great a country I live in, how comfortable I am or how secure the roof feels over my head, part of my brain is always thinking about that rainy day that I hope I don’t ever have to face.

Less Is More?

The only resolution I set for myself in 2018 was to be more productive.

I want to get more shit done, by spending less time working at it.

(I know what you’re thinking right about now, but just hold up and let me explain for a minute…)

One of my greatest shortcomings is this uncontrollable urge to get anything and everything done in one hit. It’s easy to tell myself that I’ll smash this column out tonight, or that I’ll clear out my e-mail inbox in half an hour and then put my feet up and binge watch another two episodes of The Crown.

But that doesn’t always produce my greatest work.

I’ll tire of the seemingly infinite task at hand, and end up wasting away more time yawning, rubbing my eyes or trawling through social media once again. The longer I sit there, the more I begin to obsess over my work and do more harm to it than good. There are days where I’ll go to bed feeling lousy about myself, failing to remember the last spare moment I had to take some time out for myself.

So, back to my new motto – less is more. I’m learning to set boundaries. Spend an hour writing, or working, or whatever it is that I’m doing, and then stop and come back to it again later. Or even tomorrow.

Walking has been so therapeutic for me over the last few months, and just taking the time out every day to feel the afternoon sun on my face and collect my thoughts makes me feel a bit more human. Which is especially important when I’m living with a condition that involves so many different robot parts and feels monotonous at the worst of times.

I’m also trying to read more. Reading was a pastime I really enjoyed as a child, and I’ve really fallen off the bandwagon in recent years. I’m being realistic and aiming for a book a month. Besides, sleep feels so much more…restful after burying myself in a good book before bed. And, you know, it’s nice to take a break from reading about diabetes once in a while…

So what does all of this have to do with diabetes?

Tending to things like my self care and mental wellbeing helps me to feel better about living with this damned condition. I manage better. I’m not stuck in autopilot mode so often and then swearing at myself over a stupid mistake.

Besides, it feels surprisingly good not to have a resolution directly centred around my diabetes for a change…

What’s on your bucket list this year?

Diabetes Disruptions

Last night’s OzDOC chat on diabetes disruptions really put my mind to work. I can’t say that I think of diabetes as being disruptive all that often. Yet as I began to answer some of the chat questions, it became pretty clear to me that it was. Diabetes is disruptive. It’s disruptive to my day, it’s disruptive to my mindset and it’s disruptive to the people around me.

One disruption that easily comes to mind is the time I have previously wasted, obsessing over what I need to bring with me every time I leave the house. I tend to overthink things quite a bit, especially with the more time that I have up my sleeve.

How long will I be gone? How far away from home will I be? Am I going to be comfortable at the party with all of this crap weighing me down? Do I really need all the stuff I have brought with me?

I’ll spend far too much time tucking things into pockets and jackets, only to pull them out once again. Thankfully I now have my grey marle pencil case, with all my travel gear ready to go every time I head out.

Another disruption that comes to mind is the people around me. I am too nice of a person. While I don’t particularly feel the need to explain myself, I do feel conscious of the fact that I might not be polite to others. Like trying to find the right moment to excuse myself and walk away from someone who is talking to me.

Then there are days where diabetes puts a damper on my mood. Or I’m not having the best day, and having to deal with diabetes on top of it simply makes it worse. I’m more quiet, withdrawn, and probably don’t do my best at explaining this to the people around me. But I feel ridden with guilt for it afterwards.

I’m also really conscious of the perception toward diabetes that I’m feeding to others through my actions. I don’t want people to think that I’m ill or unwell. I’m quick to deflect people’s looks of pity with confident explanation of what I do to myself to manage. Okay, cutting the queue at Pathology yesterday probably didn’t help my cause, but you can’t live with this lousy condition without the occasional perk…

The one disruption that I would easily wish away is a low blood sugar. Correcting a high is easy enough. I’m pretty confident in my ability to keep tabs on pump failures and ketones. Yet a nasty low is enough to knock me sideways. It frustrates me that I can’t even go for a walk around the block without having to worry about going low.

While diabetes will continue to be disruptive in every which way that it pleases, always remember that you most certainly are not.